30’s Bookshelf
In the interest of passing on the power of knowledge, below is a selection of the books on my shelves that I’ve found most helpful, relevant, and valuable in my own journey towards better interactions with women.
Theory
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature
/ Matt Ridley - A must-read for anyone interested in evolutionary biology and female psychology. If you can hang in there through the first 2/3rds of the book (which are spent almost entirely on zoology), you will reap the rewards of Matt Ridley’s penetrating intellect and thorough research. $6 used on Amazon.com. Read my full review for more on this excellent title.
Peoplewatching / Desmond Morris - Morris is arguably one of the foremost authorities on body language and human behavior, and many other authors have based perfectly decent works on his voluminous research. Peoplewatching is a definitive guide, including not only Morris’ own Manwatching but also updated information from his text Bodywatching, leading to a description of this book as the “Bible of bodylanguage”. Review coming soon
The 48 Laws of Power / Robert Greene - A staple of the corporate-ladder-climbing set, this Machiavellian book is instructive not so much about power, but about the psychology of those with limiting beliefs. This is a book that richly illustrates the “scarcity mentality”, and as such is worth reading through at least once; not so much as an instruction set, but rather as a guide to the typical behaviors of those who view the world as a zero-sum game.
The Art of Seduction / Robert Greene - This book from the author of the more well-known 48 Laws of Power tends to strike people as either immoral and manipulative, or genre-breaking and profound. Greene may play fast and loose with historical accuracy, but his greatest accomplishment is his original typology of seducers, which can be very helpful in building self-awareness. There is a “seducer” in all of us; Greene’s book will help develop it. Review coming soon
Practice
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion / Robert Cialdini - A much more practical and grounded book than Greene’s 48 Laws, Cialdini’s Influence provides an in-depth look at the actual scientific research that has been done on various methods of persuasion and influence. This book will alert you to the subtle methods of influenced used by bosses, marketers, and all sorts of other master manipulators. While Greene’s work might make you paranoid, Cialdini’s light tone and scholarly bent will help you to be more aware, secure, and grounded. A must-read. Review coming soon
The Relationship Cure / John Gottman - I love this book - and I don’t say that about many books. Gottman, a mathematician and statistician who has spent his entire professional career studying relationships, has actually built a model of relationships that has actual predictive validity. His model is based on copious amounts of data, and in this book, Gottman presents his model in a practical, readable format that has the potential change the way you think about all your relationships, not just your romantic or intimate ones. Highly recommended. Review coming soon
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships / Daniel Goleman - Goleman is the guy who coined the term ‘emotional intelligence’ or the ‘EQ’ emotional quotient, in contradistinction to the overweening focus on IQ. Review coming soon
Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence / Daniel Goleman, Richard E. Boyatzis, and Annie McKee - This is one of the most valuable books I have ever read in terms of achieving professional success. It applies Goleman’s well-known concepts of emotional intelligence to organizational leadership, highlighting the pitfalls and possibilities of leadership and management. An essential primer for those who would be effective leaders.
Mental Health
Writing to Heal/ James Pennebaker - In the interest of guiding your inner game and overall mental health, I can’t really recommend any book more strongly than this one — especially if your inner game and self concept have ever been touched by a traumatic event of any sort. Quite simply, this book presents a practical, easy-to-use framework with which to truly “put the past behind you”. What’s better, the method presented here for healing is actually scientifically validated — Pennebaker’s work is based on clinical studies that indicate that writing about painful experiences can enhance immune response, reduce recovery times, and promote physical, psychological, and social well-being. Those findings were certainly validated by my own experience with this book. Highly recommended. Read my article with adapted techniques from this book applied specifically to pickup here.
Making a Good Brain Great / Daniel Amen - Dr. Amen is a clinician who runs an institute in California for brain health. This is the foremost book I would recommend for brain health — and brain health is incredibly important, despite the fact that most of us are pitifully unaware of our brain as an actual physical organ like any other. This book is remarkable because it got me to examine my lifestyle and evaluate my choices, and lead me to better ones that have improved all areas of my life, not just my relationships with women. Highly recommended. Review coming soon
Journey of Awakening: A Meditator’s Guidebook / Ram Dass - Written by a former Harvard professor-turned Eastern-mystic, this simple and highly readable book is probably the best primer I’ve ever come across on the topic of meditation (which I happen to believe is essential for mental and physical health, as well as “inner game”). As Daniel Amen’s book above has the “Western” approach to brain health covered, this book provides the “Eastern” flavor and approach for brain and mind health. Some may be turned off by Ram Dass’ “new agey” reputation, but this book carries no pretension or preachiness whatsoever. No matter your belief system, if you open your mind wide enough to let this book in even a bit, I’m confident you will benefit.
Physical Health
5 Factor Fitness: The Diet and Exercise Secrets of Hollywood’s A-list / Harley Pasternak - Pretty much the definitive book on diet and exercise, this is the only “diet” and workout program I’ve ever adhered to for the long-term, and the one that has shown me the quickest results. Eminently practical, this book will make a lot of sense to the practical-minded, no-B.S. reader who is prepared to execute a very simple, highly sustainable fitness program. A great value, especially considering you can now get it used on Amazon.com for around $5. Read my full review here.
Other
God is a Woman / Ian Coburn - Stand-up comedian Coburn has written a witty and insightful book into dating and relationships with a lighthearted flavor. Best read not as a serious study of behavior or a scholarly pursuit, but a light diversion from heavier material.
Wheels of Life: A User’s Guide to the Chakra System / Anodea Judith - Here we go, another “woo-woo” title. As a hard-nosed empiricist who loves his data and peer-reviewed studies, I tend to shy away from this type of material, but after reading a borrowed copy of this book on the recommendation of a coworker, I immediately bought myself a copy. Just like the title implies, this is a simple but comprehensive guide to the concept of chakras and the body’s energy systems (which, incidentally, has major implications for your sex life). No matter your belief system, if you keep an open mind, you will find something of value in this book.
More of 30’s bookshelf coming soon
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