If you’re like most guys, you will, at some point, have to force yourself to chase the pussy.
You’ll be in a long-term relationship and it will end abruptly — and once the post-breakup sex is over, you’ll be left with a mostly-empty bottle of lube and an empty side of the bed.
Shit. What to do next?
Simple: Start over.
Identify the Problem. . .
There are a couple of things you need to remind yourself of in this transition period. Maybe you’re slowly backing off your LTR, maybe you have already quit that relationship cold turkey. Whatever the case may be, the assumption is that you are going to be out of practice in the art of seduction.
Here are some common symptoms you may notice:
…And more. The common thread in all of these is that they relate to your existing seduction skill-set in a subtle yet stunning way. If you have been managing the relationship well and not just totally letting it go to pot, what you will notice is that all your skills are still there. . . but they have been re-calibrated to a girl who is growing progressively more attracted to, and more comfortable with, you.
What happens with girls in relationships with high-quality guys who manage the relationship well (i.e., never stop seducing them) is that they get into very different behavior patterns. They let guys get away with all sorts of things they’d never let a stranger (even attractive stranger) do. Their trust goes through the roof so they abandon all sorts of personal rules and decorum. Their compliance skyrockets so they will do things they would never, ever consider doing on a “first date” because of the anti-slut defense.
And this behavior from women, in turn, changes your seductive approach and style.
If you thereafter go out and try to run the same “game” on a strange women, it will fail miserably. Not because it is bad game, but because it is not the right game to be running. It is relationship game, not cold-approach game.
The answer, then, is to re-align your game to the rules of propriety and decorum required by non-relational game.
Easier said than done. For more on how to do this, read on.
. . . and apply the Solutions
When seducing new girls, you may tend to go for the physical too quickly
You’ve become accustomed to your LTR’s receptivity to your touch. It’s appropriate to be grabby with her, because her attraction levels are high enough already to withstand whatever contact….and perhaps it’s also part of your relational style to be dominant. But if you get lazy and do that with the new girl it’ll come off miscalibrated and needy. And pushy. And unattractive.
Make her wait for it. You want to vibe sexual, but if you’re at all unsure if this is the time to start the hardcore touching, wait — or, better yet, initiate, and then pull back, as if restraining yourself. Such is wildly attractive to most women.
You may notice feeling like building attraction is a chore
Because with your LTR, you just needed to start the “flywheel of attraction” and it would maintain momentum, and even builds momentum, with the tiniest little push. In fact, if you’re doing it right, your girlfriend’s attraction to you will actually INCREASE over time, with only the slightest of inputs (assuming they are the right inputs) from you. This is hard-wired into the female brain. They are set up for long term bonding and connection, especially if you periodically flash them brilliant glimpses of your dominance.
In a relationship, the #1 rule for amping attraction is to give her GOOD SEX…it doesn’t matter if your dick is small or you come too soon. DOES NOT MATTER….you can make up for it by giving her good, consistent orgasms, taking her on an emotional journey, and tying the experience into her unique psychology.
With a new girl your #1 rule is for getting attraction is DOMINANCE….followed shortly thereafter by rapport…in an appropriate amount and with appropriate timing. As always, too much rapport too soon will douse the flames of desire, but too little too late will trigger anti-sex feelings and/or anti-anything-but-one-night-stand.
Best attitude to have is just to be consistent and run attraction material….if you haven’t run attraction material in a while you will need to brush up….after even four to six months of being with one girl you might get rusty — depending on how much previous time you have spent working on the “attraction” phase. (This is part of the reason you should really always be sarging).
If amping attraction feels like drudgery to you, you need to re-set your expectations, lighten your heart, and get more playful.
Girls fight you for control of the frame
Let’s examine a statement you could make to a prospective partner: “You just scored major points with me.”
This statement comes from a screening frame, and assumes higher value….principally, that the girls is TRYING to score major points with you, to impress you and win her way into your inner circle.
If you drop this line, and a girl fights you for it (i.e., “Like I was trying to score points with you”) then she fighting you for control of the frame. This could be because of a number of reasons, the most probable of them being:
As in most cases like this, your best bet is to ignore her attempts to wrestle the frame away from you and plow with more attraction amping and/or simply re-up with an even stronger metaframe (related: states and frames explained).
Desire to say things that are uncalibrated and, in some cases, dangerous
When you are in a LTR, you can get away with saying all sorts of pale shit. (”Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie” being a personal favorite).
If you say this to a girl you’ve only spent 10 hours with, she may walk out — or worse. Because she hasn’t yet built the comfort and familiarity with you that allows her to be assured of your consistent underlying affection, assumptive boldness and “hard teases” aren’t as permissible and may, in fact, derail the seduction.
If a woman asks you “Whatcha thinkin about” 8 months into the relationship and you say, “How nice a blowjob would be”, you’re a sexy, dominant, bold, assertive man. If you’re three dates into it with a new girl and answer with the same assumptive boldness, you’re a oafish prick and you’re most likely to get nothing — or a slap in the face.
The solution here is simply — apart from, of course, building more attraction — is to think before you speak and, if you think something might be a just too edgy, DON’T SAY IT. Give a mysterious half-smile instead and play off your lack of response, at least until you can be more sure of a positive response.
As with all things, also keep in mind that if you’ve done your screening and selection right, the woman is going to be forgiving, and will help you along past some of these rough edges in your seductive skills. Remember, women want to be seduced, and as much as they might fantasize about picture-perfect seduction, they are also jaded by the reality of most men’s inaction, and will be flattered by your (imperfect) action.
Above all, have no fear of starting over. It’s usually best that way.