The Reality Method

My brain is incredibly lazy.

This is not the handicap you might imagine it to be.

For one, it lets me relate with a lot of other people from all walks of life (I believe most people are incredibly lazy). Secondly, it forces me to think of inventive ways for my brain to work less — which often saves me money, time, or effort (or all three).

There are downsides, however — my lazy and rather easily-satisfied brain can lead me into complacency, quietude, and ultimately stagnation.

Because it has done on a number of occasions, and because I have as a result developed a variety of ways to counter my normally lazy tendencies, I thought I would put down both my version of the problem and my version of the solution — in case anyone else out there also suffers in a similar way.

Congratulations — You’re Stuck
When I started playing this “game”, it didn’t take me long before I got stuck.

I got stuck at the same place a large number of guys get stuck — at the most predictable yet tragic point: midway between pimptastic awesomeness and regular old serial monogamy.

We as men get stuck because the human brain is programmed to seek homeostasis; and the male brain, in particular, is good at finding and getting comfortable with a single, stable situation.

You know exactly what I’m talking about it; and if it’s never happened to you, I guarantee it’s happened to a buddy of yours. Here’s how it works:

1. You study the skills (that is, social skills, pick up and seduction skills)
2. You begin to apply the skills
3. You have a bit of success. . .
4. You meet this one AWESOME girl. . .
5. You stop doing #1 and #2
6. And, naturally, #3 stops as well.
7. Between 2 weeks and 2 years later, you break up with AwesomeGirl, and you are back at square one. . . only several weeks or years older, more experienced in some ways, less in others.

Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this (see my article You Don’t Have to Be a Pimp for why). It may, in fact, be exactly what you wanted all along. Step #6, in which your “success” with women comes to a complete standstill, doesn’t have to happen; it may be that an ongoing relationship with one girl is your ultimate definition of success with women.

It may also be that you, like a lot of guys, aren’t quite ready to settle down and commit to just one girl yet. In which case, you have to be aware that the longer you spend in a monogamous relationship not practicing your skills, the more time your are sacrificing that could be spent strengthening your social skills, making connections and networking, and otherwise being-yourself-in-the-world (for more on the opportunity cost associated with relationships, see also Why You Should Sarge).

Let me be clear; I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending time in a committed, monogamous relationship. There are some definite benefits to it (including greatly increased sexual skill and experience). I just want guys to be aware that there are opportunity costs with each choice they make.

Getting UnStuck
What to do if this has happened to you? How to proceed if you wake up one morning and find yourself bored with the girl you’ve been with for the past 8 months?

Well, if you’re like me (and most other guys), you proceed to dump the girl promptly and go back out in search of The New Pussy.

This was how I functioned for the longest time. You know what that made me? Here’s a big hint: NOT a player (or a pimp, or a mac, or a pick-up artist, or even a guy who was decently successful with women). It made me — that’s right, you guessed it — an Average Frustrated Chump. . . who got laid a lot.

(I will refrain from attempting to introduce into formalized seduction-industry jargon the acronym AFCWGLAL).

What I was doing was denying myself access to pussy by breaking up with a girl, in order to force myself to go out and get access to new pussy*.

This is absolutely the wrong way to go about things.

(Unless, of course, your goal is to be a serial monogamist).

What you ought to be doing is forcing yourself to chase the pussy — always, at all times. Chase the pussy, chase the pussy, chase the pussy, over and over again, monthly, weekly, nightly, daily — and that way, when you do break up with a girl, it will be for the right reasons.

The name of the game is creating options. The purpose is to keep connected and stay sharp, to refine our skills so that the women you might choose to be monogamous with are the women that you have chosen for their qualities, not because they were Mrs. Next — and the women you break up with are broken up with because they are legitimately not compatible long-term partners with you, not because you got tired of them.

This process begs the question of “who is a fit for me?” in a relationship anyway, and although I have tried to address that question tangentially in The Therapeutic Effect of Pickup, the differences between natural and created attraction can sometimes be subtle, and a lot is left to your own individual goals and stage of development in any case.

Help for the Super-Stuck
If the above doesn’t help you get unstuck, read the following:

It’s important to acknowledge that this sort of behavior is the antithesis of our naturally programmed male behavior. It makes no sense to us to go out on the town, risking our time, money, energy and health to try out some new restaurant we’ve never eaten at when we have a simple, comforting, tasty home-cooked meal waiting for us after work. If we are to keep our options open, however, and improve our mating selections, we must do exactly this.

If even this awareness doesn’t motivate you to go out and spend time (note: I never said you had to sleep with them) with other women, contrast the following two possible futures.

1. You are a successful and social guy. You have options. When you meet an amazing girl, you know she is truly amazing, because you have interacted with many of the women in your city, and you know a diamond in the rough when you see it. You also have the social skills and acumen to capture and hold her attention long enough to convey your own awesomeness. You may be seeing a couple girls at a time, but your attention naturally shifts to the highest-quality among them, and your experience of life is therefore the highest quality it could be.
2. You are a shut-in boyfriend who spends a lot of time getting laid, but doesn’t have many or very durable social connections. After breaking up with your girlfriend, you have a long, painful process of getting re-acquainted with the women in your local area. Saying you just broke up with a girl and need to get re-validated tonight only gets you laid once.

Force yourself to chase the pussy. But don’t force yourself by restricting yourself.

^{*I know this is a terribly profane way to phrase things, but it is the fastest and easiest way I have of getting the concept across.}