The Reality Method 2.0

The Importance of Mutual Value Escalation

A lot of social interaction is about status transactions.

When you first meet someone new, you instantly and unconsciously begin evaluating their perceived value relative to yours. Are they like me or unlike me? Do they like me, do I like them? Can they add value to my existence, or I to theirs?

You chat with someone for a few minutes, you observe their physical appearance as well as their mannerisms and behaviors, and you begin to build a picture of not only how much social value and status you think they have, but how much they think they have, as well.

Most of us are pretty unaware of this process nearly all the time, and that’s fine, because it’s not typically terrible important. When it does become really important is when you’re trying to actively change traditional social reality by manipulating relative and perceived value — i.e., getting a much hotter woman than you’re used to sleeping with into bed with you.

For that, let’s take a look at the basic value-changing operations.

The Basic Value Operations
The current conventional wisdom in the pickup and seduction industry is that there are just a few basic value-adjusting operations.

The most common of these, at least in seduction terms, is a neg; a subtle insult designed to lower others’ value relative to your own.

The most common of these operations to people who have never heard of seduction or pickup is the compliment; designed to raise someone’s value relative to your own (or at least give verbal recognition to their inherent value).

Then comes the self-deprecating remark, designed to lower your value relative to others; in the seduction community this is called a DLV, or Demonstration of Lower Value.

And finally, the last and perhaps most subtle and difficult class of value operation is the DHV — Demonstration of Higher Value — which raises your own value relative to others.

These operations are simple by themselves, but what makes social interactions so complex is that all four of these operations are occurring simultaneously in groups of people, and what’s more, individuals are always subtly manipulating others’ value operations for their own purposes, creating complex evolving feedback loops.

I want to spend the rest of this article in one such feedback loop.

Mutual Value Escalation
Mutual Value Escalation is like two strangers getting on an up elevator; they are both pressing different buttons, but they’ll both end up higher than they started.

Just as the name implies, MVE is what occurs when two confident, secure people get involved in a conversation that naturally leads them to discover and recognize the valuable, attractive traits and qualities they each possess.

This isn’t a circle-jerk or a love-in. It happens naturally and spontaneously at the start of really good relationships. It’s Hey, I know I’m cool, and I’m having a great time, and you seem to be having a great time too, are you like me? And the response is, Yeah, I’m having a great time too, and you are cool, and I’m happy you’re cool because I am too!

Which turns into Great, I invite you to share with me the ways in which you’re cool, because I can relate to your strengths, and we can celebrate how our mutual coolness allows each of us, individually, to enhance one another.

Looking just at the value operations laid out above, at a grossly oversimplified level, MVE = DHV + complimenting. A demonstration of value still has to lead the interaction (typically always does, in guy + girl interactions); but mutually complimentary exchanges can follow, as long as things stay realistic and grounded.

Now, I say DHVs are complex, and they are, because to deliberately convey your own unique coolness without coming across as cocky, arrogant, or self-important is extremely difficult; but a DHV can be almost anything. It can be how a guy looks, or the fact that he has tattoos, or that he wears a certain brand of cologne, or knows a certain cultural in-joke, or once lived in a certain city. Literally anything that the girl in question values is a DHV if it inheres in some guy and she finds out about it.

And, I say complimenting, but in reality what happens in MVE is way more complex than just complimenting in the traditional sense of “You’re hot” and “You’re hot too.”

Let’s jump into some examples; first, an example with two males talking to each other in a non-seduction setting, to make the concept clear; first using traditional competitive gamemanship, then a second time using MVE.

Traditional Example
Guy1 to Guy2: “You know, I was thinking about it last night, and I realized I’m the alpha male in this office.”

This statement sets up a You vs Me frame, sets the other guy on the defensive, and attempts to usurp value from other guy while taking it for oneself. The only really adaptive reaction to this is for Guy2 to laugh into Guy1’s face and out-alpha him, diminishing his value in the process.

The other reaction would simply be to agree, effectively handing over one’s value to the claimant (Guy1). There can only be one clear winner here.

Let’s look at what happens when Guy1 decides to use MVE instead of the traditional AMOG frame.

MVE Example
Guy1 to Guy2: “Hey, I was thinking last night and I realized, our corner of the office has too much testosterone.”
This statement sets up an “US” frame, recognizes the inherent masculinity of Guy2 by implying the value inherent in both of them, and builds a bond of similarity between them. This sort of statement is what sets guys up for cooperation and success down the line.

Now let’s look at an example in the context of seduction:

Traditional Example
Girl (to guy): So you should come to Vegas with me. It’d be a really good time.
Guy: Oh, Vegas. It’s so commercial. I can’t really justify spending the money if we’re not going overseas. Anyplace in the US is inferior to anywhere overseas.

This response is a subtle neg, suggesting that the girl’s desire to go on a Las Vegas vacation is beneath his status and position in life. It’s also a rather whiny affirmation of his own higher value; “I’ve traveled internationally, so I’m too good to vacation domestically.”

Let’s look at this same interaction, with a MVE frame around the interaction.

MVE Example
Girl (to guy): You’re such a nightlife connoisseur, I really think you should come through Vegas with me, I think you’d get a lot out of it.
Guy: You know, I’m glad you’re suggesting a vacation spot, and I know you lived in Vegas for 3 years, so I’m sure you’d be able to show me a really good time…and not just the tourist spots.

Both parties in this interaction are thinking about one another, whereas in the traditional example, both parties are thinking primarily of themselves.

Another difference is that each party is referring to a strength or positive characteristic that their counterpart possesses, and linking that positive and personal characteristic to the content of their message.

Let’s look at another example.

Traditional Interaction
Girl: Hey, what are you wearing tonight?? I have no idea what to wear and I’m stressed out, I don’t want to overdress.
Guy: I’m wearing Armani tonight. Don’t worry about it you’ll look fine in whatever.
Girl: No I won’t! I hate it how you always do this!

Communication: doesn’t matter what girl wears, guy doesn’t care, guy throws backhanded compliment (she will look “fine”; not great; in “whatever”). Rather than taking steps to calm her (explicitly stated) anxiety, the focus is on his Armani.

Now let’s do that again, only better.

MVE Interaction
Girl: Hey, what are you wearing tonight? I have no idea what to wear and I know you’re just the guy to tell me.
Guy: Well, you always make really good choices, so I trust you. The place we’re going is a laid-back vibe, so probably more relaxed shoes, and not too much black…that’s what I’m wearing.
Girl: Hmmm…I only have black I can wear tonight.
Guy: Well then, we’ll just have to look fabulous together.
Girl: LOL ok, you’re right. Especially if you’re in the Armani, rawr.

This second interaction is longer; not only is more attention paid to the girl’s emotional state, but more specific information is given, and reassurance of her competence is also given.

Now, I don’t want you to jump to conclusions based on this example that MVE is all about the guy placating the girl, because that’s not the case. Rather, MVE is about both the guy and girl simultaneously or sequentially pleasing each other with

1) recognition of value,

2) positive reframing, and

3) encouragement that is targeted to the other’s particular strengths.

Here’s our final example, this time purely field-based, early in an interaction…guy and girl are just getting to know one another.

Traditional Interaction
Girl: Yeah I like underground music. Like Atmosphere….
Guy: Is Atmosphere underground? They’re good, don’t get me wrong, but I think a little too mainstream to be called underground.

This response answers by implication that yes, Guy also likes Atmosphere…or…maybe not. He’s given her no recognition for good taste in music, but instead just sort of come off like some asshole music critic.

Attraction is not being pumped up here.

MVE Interaction
Girl: Yeah I like underground music. Like Atmosphere….
Guy: Oh shit are you kidding?? Nobody I know listens to them..have you heard of Handsome Boy Modeling School?
Girl: OMG yes! That’s so cool you know them too!

Here, the interaction spirals upwards because the guy is giving the girl recognition for her good taste, and spinning off it into other artists who she may have heard of, providing yet another opportunity for her to DHV to him. She, in turn, feels her attraction for him spike, because she A) has something rare in common with him, and B) he has given her a chance to demonstrate it.

MVE works best with two people who are both pretty secure and confident, at root, in their own individual awesomeness. In that situation, mutual value escalation is the path of least resistance, since both people are willing to acknowledge their own value, appreciative of others’ drawing attention to it, and usually pretty interested in synergies, that is, the gains in awesomeness that come from putting two awesome things together (like peanut butter and M&M’s, for example).

Many guys have said that negs work best on low-self-esteem girls, and they’re right — since pointing out something bad about a girl, or drawing attention to a flaw, is likely to reinforce her own negative self-perceptions. Even if she resists what you’ve said on a social level, (because it was rude) she’ll agree internally and be attracted, since she now sees you mirroring her own negative internal judgments. Your behavior is familiar to her and therefore safe, and likely to be selected for.

On the other hand, a higher self-esteem girl will just see your comments as rude. (She may be attracted to your boldness and apparent indifference at offending her, but that’s different than the reaction of the LSE girl).

And, with mutual value escalation, there’s no need to neg at all; just strong, consistent DHVs and frame, and persistence until the girl “gets” your higher value, and starts chasing it by offering her own value — which it is then important that you recognize.

Mutual Value Escalation In Brief
This has been a long and information-packed article, so here’s your handy cheat-sheet for more egalitarian MVE interactions:

1. Demonstrate high value.
Notice this does not say demonstrate HIGHER value. It is OK to be on the same “value level” as the girl; you don’t always have to be one-upping a girl in an effort to be higher value.. Girls who know they are high value will respond with attraction only to guys who are similarly convinced they are high value.

2. Recognize her attempts to demonstrate value (and reward them).
Let her know you know she’s got value in your eyes. Not too much, too soon, or you risk her not taking you seriously. But don’t be too stingy, either; remember, the collective value you two share must escalate over time. Be too slow with your recognition, and you’ll choke off that escalation.

3. Be honest.
Escalate your value congruently. Don’t go ga-ga over some hobby she has that really doesn’t interest you; also, don’t pretend you love her favorite band when you really have never heard of them. You can’t fake MVE.

If all else fails, remember the ultra-simplified formula: MVE = DHV + compliment.

I happen to think that MVE, as a style of relating, is the key to healthy, long-lasting relationships; but, as I’ve hopefully described here, it can also be used to great effect early in interactions with new women.

Good luck, and happy MVE’ing!

Related Articles:

• Emotional Self-Regulation (Changing your State)
• The Power of Emotional Communication
• The Hot Guy Scale (Social Value Theory)