The Reality Method 2.0

The Absolute Basics of Personal Hygiene

If you wanna pimp, you gotta be clean.

I’m not going to belabor the point here: not only are there 1,000’s upon 1,000’s of other articles that go into much more depth on the matter, but this particular topic is so essential as to practically go without saying.

Still, I am going to say some things about it, because it is essential, and as part of building the comprehensive “Reality Method” canon I cannot ignore such a fundamental and foundational building block of the Mack-Daddy Sciences.

We’ll start (and end) with The Basics. This ain’t no Queer Eye.

Body
Wash your body.

No, seriously, this is my advice: wash it. Shower at least once a day. Before you go out on a date, or anytime you expect you might be intimate with a woman, soap up and rinse off twice (one rinse is usually not enough to get you really clean).

In the shower, a really basic bar soap — like Dove or whatever — will do just fine, but you’ll get better mileage if you suds and scrub with a loufa or back brush.

I would also recommend finding a good natural exfoliant body scrub. It can be anti-acne or not, depending on your needs, but I’ve found I get much cleaner and my skin looks and feels better over all if I use bar soap + body scrub as opposed to just bar soap applied with the hands.

Deodorize: NOT anti-perspirant. Anti-perspirant has chemical additives that not only cause cancer, but that are actually designed to close up your sweat glands, preventing you from sweating (which is just not healthy). Deodorant, on the other hand, can be as simple as a natural fragrance activated by heat and moisture.

On Tanning:Let’s be real: most women prefer guys with some color over guys who are pale white. Of course there are exceptions, and with enough charisma you can break any rule, but the point here is that most guys would benefit from getting some color.

Don’t: use fake and bake, DIY spray-on, or tanning beds. None of them are particularly healthy. Tanning beds are in some cases actually worse for your skin than the real sun.

Do: Get natural sun, while wearing sunblock, and using a color enhancing natural agent like Maui Babe. If you spend a regular amount of time in the sun you will naturally, safely and inexpensively build a good overall color.

Avoid farmer’s tan by going shirtless (even if you’re uncomfortable doing it at first; you’ll get used to your own body and accepting it), and get as much sun on your legs as possible, but don’t worry obliterating all tan lines by tanning naked or whatever. Most girls don’t care much if your ass is lily white, and if they’re that superficial, you may or may not want to spend a lot of time with them anyway (I wouldn’t).

Finally, if you live in an area that just doesn’t get that much sun on a regular basis (as I do), check out sunless spray tanning like Mystic Tan. These systems are great at giving an even tan and good coloration that is basically indistinguishable from an actual suntan. Best of all, they are totally safe and non-toxic. I hesitate to include Mystic Tan because it is more expensive, but I also understand guys have a wide range of budgets they are willing to put into improving their physical appearance, so I include it for those guys who are willing to spend a little more.

Face
Wash it. (Seeing a pattern yet?)

As far as I’m concerned, there are two major components of facial skin health: exfoliation and moisturizing. A good exfoliating facial scrub is invaluable. Regardless of whether you have acne, exfoliating is a good thing (in moderation, of course). Once or twice a day may be enough; or it may be excessive. Consult your local skin care expert — and by that I mean your female friend who has been through beauty school, or the local beauty parlor / skin care shop.

As for moisturizing, find a moisturizing aftershave for greater efficiency in your routine, or just get a good basic moisturizer that fits your skin type (dry, normal or oily).

Use aftershave, but one with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries out your skin, and makes you look older.

Hair
Wash it. (The pattern should now be burning itself into your brain.)

Once you’ve washed your hair, and established a routine of washing it at least four times a week (it can be good to give your hair a break, just rinsing it one day instead of shampooing every 24 hours — the natural oils are good for overall hair health), it’s on to styling.

Pretty much every advice website I’ve ever read says “find a local stylist and tell them to make you look cool” or something similar. I’m not going to stray too far from that advice, except to say — in addition to the traditional encouragement to looking in fashion magazines for cool hairstyle ideas — that you should really take a second and think about your facial bone structure as well, and how different hairstyles will affect it.

In general, very strong or well-defined features can support more outlandish or attention-grabbing styles to balance, but softer “baby” faces without much definition can be easily overwhelmed by a style that is too visually intense. As always, consulting a stylist is a good bet, and an even better bet is to find another guy whose style is really good and ask him where he goes (yes, I know this is a pretty chick-like thing to do; suck it up, it will benefit you in the long run).

And finally, as with all my other fashion/style advice, find the style that suits you rather than aping what you think looks good on someone else. Everyone is unique; honor your individuality.

On Facial Hair: As long as it’s cleaned, neatly trimmed, and styled attractively, most women won’t have any problem with it. The “3-days-unshaven” or even 5-o’clock shadow is also a pretty attractive look right now, so think about going a few days just for kicks and for feedback from the women in your life.

Personally, I think some level of facial hair will always be in style, given that it’s a male secondary sex characteristic, indicative of testosterone, and therefore attractive to women for that reason alone.

On Pubic Hair: This is purely personal preference. Personally, I don’t go much for genital topiary; you may feel differently.

As for the wimmins, some prefer a shorn scrotum; others want just a bit of trimming; others don’t want us as men to go to more work down there than they do.

My only other point on this topic is, be careful what you promise women in exchange for what they’re willing to do for you (in genital-hair-maintenance terms); women are like men, generally stubborn and resistant to change in their personal habits.

Nose and Ear Hair: Get a small hair trimmer and use it on your nose (and ears, if they need it). It’s one of those small changes that is almost completely transparent to everyone else, but will make a subtle difference in how they perceive you.

On the other hand, don’t advertise that you trim your nose and ear hairs. It’s not something anyone needs to know you have a need for.

Miscellaneous
- Cut and clean your fingernails regularly. A nail brush in the shower is an easy and quick addition to your routine.

- Wash behind your ears. (Sometimes Mom really does know best).

- Get some Q-tips — cotton-tipped, not paper — and swab out your ears daily. Ear wax is not sexy; especially when she discovers it with her tongue.

- Brush your teeth, and floss, at least once a day; and preferably after every meal. Yes, this may mean you have to keep a tooth brush and tooth paste in your desk at work. Ignore everyone who calls you “sucka”; they will change their tune just as soon as you let them catch a whiff of your fresh new thang.

- Take care of your eyebrows. Whether this means plucking, tweezing, or even a bit of shaving, do it. Again, consult your local female-friend-beauty-school-dropout or salon lady for the specifics of what would be best for you. Then be sure to do it.

Conclusion
If you wanna pimp, you gotta be clean.

If you’re clean, you have a chance; if you’re smelly and unkempt, you have an uphill battle.

Make it easy on yourself. Stay clean.