The Reality Method

Is there any more random and unexplained term in the seduction community than ’sarge’?

A verb, ’sarging’ or ‘to sarge’ is defined simply as the act of going out with the intention of seducing women; but I can’t even speculate as to who coined this awkward term, let alone what on earth they were thinking.

It’s a testament to the jargon-y nature of the term that it has been losing cachet steadily in seduction writings over the past few years: at this point it has been mostly replaced by phrases such as “going out” or “socializing”.

Ultimately it’s not important who came up with the term, or what they were trying to convey with it, or even what term you use to describe it. What’s important is that you do it.

What’s important is that you make the effort to go out and do things in the world with the primary intention of meeting people (especially hot women) and talking with them, with the sub-goal of getting them interested in you.

What’s the Point of Sarging?
Why is it important that you do this?

I’ll let you listen in to a real-life conversation I had with a friend of mine, who we’ll call Tom.

Tom: 30+, I don’t need to sarge. I’m a hot guy. I dress well. I have natural confidence with women, great conversational skills, and I know I can rock the house in bed. When I find women who meet my standards, I can be almost 100% certain that I will get with them if I really try.

Thirtyplus: If you really try?

Tom: Yeah, most of the women around me are so sub-par I don’t even bother. But then of course when a real gem comes along I bust out the skills and, before long, she’s mine.

Thirtyplus: Tell me this, Tom. Have you ever lost a girl you wanted?

Tom: Sure, everyone has.

Thirtyplus: Of course. But have you ever lost a girl you wanted….because of factors that were in your control?

Tom: …

The distinction I made with Tom is a principle part of the reason behind why you should sarge on a regular basis.

In love, as in life, there are really only two spheres:

1) That which is out of your control

2) That which is in your control.

The first step in love, as in life, is realizing that the second sphere is much, much smaller than the first.

Then you have to realize that it is 100% unproductive to try to have an impact on the first sphere.

Sarging gets to something you can control. It puts you in the driver’s seat of your own behaviors. It shines a spotlight on them and allows you to observe them, and decide whether and how you ‘d like to change them.

If you are in control of yourself and your behaviors, you are 99% of the way to being a highly attractive and effective man.

Sarging is to seduction like sparring is to martial artists. The goal of sparring is not to win fights; it is instead to practice, to get comfortable being in a fight scenario.

Similarly, the goal of sarging is not to get laid, or even to really seduce women. The goal of sarging is to practice being in conversations with women.

Sarging on a regular basis is a process of getting the kinks out, of weeding out bad habits. As men, most of us don’t need to perfect the right behaviors so much as eliminate the wrong behaviors that get in the way of our success with women.

The problem is, you will never be able to tell what behaviors you have that are wrong until you discover them through socializing with women. And that takes sarging.

If You Don’t Sarge Regularly
If you don’t sarge regularly, you may end up like my friend Tom: even if you’re the hottest man on the planet, with lots of attractive behaviors, a great outlook, great conversational skills, and all the knowledge of a master Pick-Up Artist, you will still stumble and fail to seduce high quality women due to your own (preventable) ineptitude.

If you don’t sarge, but instead just lay back and wait for “quality women”, marinating in your own awesome PUA-ness, so advanced that you’ve progressed beyond the level where you need to actively “practice” anymore, you are very likely to miss out.

Because when a really quality woman finally DOES come along (and it is pretty rare that they come along, let me tell you), you will have to jump all over yourself to get “up to speed” with your awesome PUAness putting it into active play (rather than passive marination). This might lead you to not seduce her solidly, or not seduce her at all.

Practice on the practice girls. Don’t practice on the prizes.

Practice Make Perfect?
I’ve never believed practice makes perfect. Practice is important, but practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice doesn’t even make perfect (I think perfect practice is impossible).

The world’s top tennis players spend days practicing the smallest and most simple movements of their serve. They don’t make every serve perfect (though they may try). They mess up, they make mistakes (even in games). But they sit still in that practice state, sticking with it even when it sucks. They don’t flip out and break rackets because their practice isn’t perfect (ok, well most of them don’t anyway). They don’t get all emotional just because they’re not progressing as fast as they want.

They just keep focusing and keep practicing.

To be truly good at something, I think it’s necessary to start each day with a beginner’s mind, and focus on just one part of your art at a time, mastering that component before moving on to the next.

Sarging allows you to do this with human interactions: but moreover, it gets you in the mindset, and gets you comfortable, actually applying your awesome PUA-vibe in real life, to real people.

Practice makes ready; practice makes you prepared. And with women, as with life, only the prepared man has a chance.

But Sarging is Scary!
So many guys have approach anxiety, or just general social anxiety. I think it’s the #1 roadblock to sarging.

Sarging doesn’t have to be scary. This anxiety doesn’t have to a roadblock. Simply sarge in an environment that doesn’t scare you.

A lot of guys imagine that in order to really get good, they have go to nightclubs or bars. That’s not the case. Cold approaches are not a necessary component of sarging. The necessary component of sarging is interaction with women you do not already feel comfortable with. That could be a cold approach, a warm approach, or anything in between. It could be flirting with baristas and checkout girls (among other captive audiences). Just so long as it’s an interaction, and it’s an interaction with a woman you don’t already feel totally comfortable with, it will help you to be more in control of yourself (But you must think about what you’re doing, and be focused).

This dogmatic going-out-to-clubs-5-nights-a-week thing is not necessary. Guys get good doing it, but not because of nightclubs or alcohol or party girls, or anything else related to the logistics of what they’re doing. They are getting good because they are practicing.

Sarging is practice. Get in practice, stay in practice, and when a prize comes along, you’ll do much better.