The Reality Method 2.0

The Basics of Fashion & Developing Personal Style

It’s sort of a given that in order to attract women, you have to be ‘fashionable’ and ’stylish’ to at least a basic minimum level.

I’m not gonna say you have to pull a full-on metro look with Euro scarf and leather messenger bag, but you do have to take a few steps to make yourself look basically presentable.

The Absolute Basics
This will be review for a lot of guys, but I’m still surprised by how many guys think they can “get away with” cheating on these rules, or think that just by casting their ultra-pickup-artists vibe-net out, these rules won’t matter. Surprise: the will always matter when making a first impression.

If you’re going out with the possibility of meeting and talking to a beautiful woman (and that is nearly all the time), you should observe the following Absolute Basic Rules:

A1. Wear clean clothes.
Unless you’re a construction worker and just coming from a job site, or in some other situation where it’s appropriate for your clothes to be dirty, like it’s the weekend and you’ve been working in the yard. I’m not talking just about clothes that are free of visible dirt; women can smell clothes if they haven’t been washed recently. This is important: I knew a guy once who smelled awful nearly all the time. Everyone assumed he had basic hygiene problems, or chronically bad B.O.; but some undercover investigation by a woman who slept with him (yes, he still got plenty of play) turned up the fact that he simply didn’t wash his clothes.

A2. Press and hang correctly.
Learn to hang and store clothes so they don’t get wrinkled; if you don’t hang your t-shirts, fold them nicely (check out this YouTube video on a fast, easy way to fold t-shirts perfectly every time). To properly hang slacks: grab the two front belt-loops and pull them together in front (so the zipper folds in on itself and the front creases line up); then hang as normal.

A3. Match.
Socks match to slacks; shoes match to belt; and all your metals (any rings, belt buckles, etc) must match. For instance, don’t wear a gold belt buckle and silver rings. Obviously don’t wear off-colors or similar color shades that almost match; for instance, I have a great Brown Sound mandarin-collar shell jacket that is a beautiful light blue, but I can’t wear it with jeans (since jeans are also light blue, typically). When in doubt, choose complimentary colors, and try to avoid contrasting colors. Aw hell, I’m just going to outsource the color advice.

A4. Be aware of what’s “trendy” and “fashionable”.
So you can decide to either conform or protest against it. All it takes is a quick glance through GQ or a similar men’s “fashion” magazine. Be aware of the ads; a lot of the fashion in them is too edgy for everyday wear and is not supposed to be emulated anyway; but do glance at the articles that say things like “3 Easy Looks for Spring” or whatever. Also check out their fashion analysis of various male movie stars to get some interesting ideas of how things mix and match. In general right now (and this will be out of date within a few months if not weeks) the Miami Vice look is coming back, in a bit more sophisticated way (lots of colors in each piece, dense, complex patterns).

A5. Don’t skimp on shoes.
I know it’s a common piece of advice, but it’s true; women really do judge guys initially based on their shoes. Don’t buy cheap knockoffs if you can all afford it. You can go Men’s Warehouse on slacks and tops and shirts, and pretty much anything else; but when buying shoes, get good quality and realize that you really do get what you pay for. Have at least one nice pair of “dress” shoes (not patent leather, those are only for tuxedos) that you can either dress up with a suit for a job interview or wear with jeans for a night on the town.

The Slightly-Less-Basic Basics
Got the basics down? Great; forge ahead to get your nose out in front of the rest of the plain-janes and boring-joes.

B1. Accessorize.
But not to excess. Accessories create interest; an excess of accessories creates derision. There’s a dogma in the seduction literature that says “It’s better to be looked over than overlooked” and therefore guys should wear as much crazy stuff as possible when going out to meet women; and if you’re in high-energy environments like nightclubs where women need shiny things to follow, this is not bad advice. But in everyday life, it’s much easier to overdo it and look like a doofus. I personally love understated rings and necklaces; I used to wear wristbands, but have faded away from those as they became more and more popular. I’ve never been much for hats (my natural hair is much more interesting) but some guys swear by them. The general rule of thumb I have is, for every piece of jewelry or accessory you have, also have a story to go along with it, because you WILL get asked about your accessories.

B2. Experiment.
Different combinations of clothing may be risky and unorthodox, but can just as easily put you on the bleeding edge of fashion. The whole wallet-chain thing in the 1990’s had to be started by some random guy or group of guys somewhere who were just a little too paranoid about pickpockets; similarly a number of other random fashion evolutions (Skater pants and shoes, Dickies and Docs, etc etc ad infinitum). This experimentation is, in fact, the linchpin of “developing a personal style”, which we will look at in a moment.

B3. Develop your aesthetic.
Appreciation of what is attractive or eye-catching in clothes is not something we are born with; it is something that must be developed. If you are really serious about developing this aesthetic sense, you must always keep your eyes open: make a point of visiting the “trendiest” parts of your city, and see if you can finagle entry into exclusive fashion or modeling events. Review fashion magazines for both men and women, comb through high-end clothing catalog, and regularly visit sites such as MySpace fashion groups and CoolHunter; this will also give you insight into the mostly female-dominated world of fashion, which can be great conversational fodder (most women simply adore fashion and talking about it).

B4. Be careful with the retro.
If you want to pull off a “blast from the past” look, or mix vintage elements into your wardrobe, go at least one decade back, preferably more. It’s 2007: don’t be caught dead in anything from the 90’s at all (until after 2010). Notice how there’s no “90’s”-themed parties these days, but plenty of “70’s / 80’s” parties? That’s why. If you really want to be successful with vintage/retro, go back to the 1950’s or 60’s. (And skip the 40’s and 30’s in favor of the 20’s.) Trust me on these rules, I live in the city with the largest collection of “retro/vintage” stores and fashion adherents on the West Coast.

B5. On dress and dress casual.
Just a smattering of the basics for more formal wear, at work or at afterhours martinis. Wear fitted dress shirts always, avoid the “balloon” effect. Buy slacks that fit, or get them tailored to have only one full break (a break is where the material folds over itself around your ankle). The waistband of your slacks need to fit around your midsection just below your belly button. If you’re used to wearing jeans (that fit around your actual hip bones) this will feel alien, but it’s the proper way to wear dress pants: the crotch needs to be at your actual crotch, not 3 inches below it (as is acceptable in some styles of jeans). Wear calf-length socks so as not to inadvertently reveal any skin when you sit down and your pants ride up (nobody wants to see your pale pasty calves.)

Developing a Personal Style
Developing your own “style” is much more subjective territory. Nobody can tell you what your style is; it is something you must figure out for yourself.

Having said that, there are a few things you can do to help yourself along in terms of developing style:

D1. Know your body type.
A full-length mirror is in an invaluable investment to evaluate different outfits and how they fit your particular body type; you want to work out a style that accentuates your best physical qualities while minimizing any flaws. Tall, lanky guys might want fuller clothes and heavier coats to add bulk; shorter guys might want striped patterns (and/or lifts) to add some height and presence. If you have good muscle definition, show it off with short sleeves; if you have a lot of muscle bulk, show it off with tighter shirts (but be subtle; few things are more oafish than extremely tight “bodybuilding” white Ts on guys who only have their muscles going for them). On the other hand, some pick up artists and notable seducers have gotten a lot of mileage out of accentuating their body type; Erik Von Markovitch aka Mystery, for example, who routinely wears 2-6″ industrial platform boots which, combined with his already 6′2″ frame, makes him damn near 7″ tall.

D2. Refer to A4 and B3.
“Be aware of what’s trendy” and “Experiment“. Often you can get a lot of mileage out of diverging from the “norm” of trendiness in subtle (or not-so-subtle) ways. Knowing your body type will be invaluable in being able to determine what you can “pull off” in terms of edgy or experimental looks. This takes some trial and error, but by all means, complete those trials and make those errors, in order to better understand how fashion functions and what compliments you best. Mix and match pieces from different outfits, or different styles of outfits, for best effect. Be aware of “organic” fashion processes; some of my best “looks” have come about spontaneously, when I rolled out of bed late for a breakfast meeting after a night of wild rumpus and put on something like a sleeveless hoodie and some upscale track pants over canvas kicks and added a scarf.

D3. Rely on your personality.
Are you outgoing, boisterous, loud? Then maybe your clothes should be too. Are you a wallflower, who has difficulty attracting attention to yourself? Then find ways to stand out, but subtle, intriguing and noticeable ways. Your sense of style should, overall, reflect who you are: your tastes and preferences, your outlook on life, your aesthetic and your values. Don’t try to “pull off” a look someone else has perfected, and above all don’t try to “fit in” by coping to the basic GQ-model look (or the frat-boy look, with the white striped dress shirt unbuttoned over jeans and a huge belt buckle, or the pinstriped jacket, or any other look)….unless you truly do want to “fit in” and be “overlooked”. If you want to stand out, and especially stand out to women, you must stray off the beaten path and make your own way in the world of fashion and style.

Closing Thoughts
These 13 simple rules and guidelines have stood me in good stead in fashion throughout all my years of seduction (and professional success). They’re really not complex, but having them covered does make a difference. Over the years I’ve learned that making a fashion faux paux is rarely, if ever, a deal-breaker, but not having to worry about making them is a load off one’s mind. It’s just one more tool in your toolbox or area of your life you can consider “handled” and forget about.

A note on price and quality. I don’t spend extravagantly on clothes (though a part of me would like to): I don’t think it’s necessary, and there are other things I would rather spend money on than high quality fabrics and brand names that, although sensually appealing in the moment and affording one a certain status, don’t last for the long term. If someone is going to make major value judgments about my character based solely on which brand names I wear I probably don’t want to get to know them in depth anyway.

Finally: I don’t consider myself to have exquisitely refined taste, or even exceptionally good fashion choices. I get by, and make good solid choices overall, but my personal style is by no means bleeding-edge or head-turning. I have been complimented by women on how I dress many times, but I think that is a result of them having their standards so low (i.e., they are used to and expect men to dress like slobs, so it doesn’t take much to impress them).