The Reality Method 2.0

The Magic of Social Proof

The best and quickest description of social proof I can give is laugh tracks.

If you’ve watched any prime time TV sitcoms at any time in the past 30 years, you are aware of what laugh tracks are. They are literally “canned” or pre-recorded laughter that is played at key “funny” moments during the sitcom, particularly at moments when the jokes are supposed to “hit”.

I don’t know anybody who likes laugh tracks — we all know, logically, how fake they are. They are supposed to mimic the reaction of a live studio audience, but the majority of these shows are not filmed in front of a live studio audience — and laugh tracks refuse to go away. Why?

Because of social proof.

Social proof is the psychological phenomenon that has to do with us, as humans, trusting in the judgment and reactions of the people around us more than in our own perception.

What the Research Says
Let’s return to laugh tracks. Although most people don’t know this, the practice of having a “laugh track” has been in place since the early 1800’s.

By best accounts, it was started by a pair of businessmen who “sold applause” to theatrical productions under a company named (roughly translated from the original French) Assurance of Dramatic Success. The pair, Mssrs. Sauton and Porcher, advertising different rates for different audience reactions, ranging from infectious laughter to moved weeping-on-cue. By the 1830’s their endeavor had started an entire industry of claqueurs who offered audience reaction tailored and on cue.

Another lesson in social proof can be found in the famous case of Kitty Genovese and other “bystander effect” research. The idea is that, in general “bystanders” or passers-by, witnesses to an accident or assault, will consider it “none of their business” and fail to intervene so long as this matches the predominant reaction amongst other bystanders.

If, on the other hand, the bystanders or witnesses are positively identified and called to assist (either by a victim or by another bystander), they will spring into action almost 100% of the time.

(So, the take-home lesson here is, if you are in an auto accident or other life-threatening situation, fixate on a bystander or passer-by, POINT at them, and shout something like, “YOU! Get help!” The research shows this will work in close to 100% of cases, whereas the more distributed and non-specific “Somebody help!” will fail more often than not).

In fact, if the circumstances are at all ambiguous, the crowd is most likely to go with their first reaction, and the predominant reaction — which is likely to be “pluralistic ignorance“, owing to the fact that we like to appear poised and sophisticated in public — thus disproving the common adage of “safety in numbers”.

A final (and extremely important) research finding has to do with auto accidents and suicides — or more accurately, the reports of suicides. Research has shown that, in the weeks and months following major publication and media attention on suicides, the rate of suicide increased dramatically in the geographic areas where the suicide had gotten widespread media exposure. Remarkably, these results hold true when controlled for age, as well — after the story of a youngster committing suicide, young people die in single-fatality car accidents at greater rates. If the story is about an older person, it is older people who die at greater rates.

The take-home lesson from this last finding, is that the rate of transportation-related fatalities, both auto and air accidents, increases dramatically three to four days after the publication of a major suicide story, and then again between seven and ten days after. By eleven days following the story, the rate has returned to baseline again.

So if you see a big story in the newspaper or on prime time TV about a suicide, or suicide cult or pact, think about limiting your travel during those times. It appears that social proof is so strong it is pervasive even in matters of life and death.

These statistics, and the research findings on social proof in general, are corroborated and validated in an excellent book by perhaps the world’s leading researcher on the topic, Dr. Robert Cialdini, a psychologist at Arizona State University. He is the author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, which includes an entire chapter on social proof; I highly recommend the book to anyone interested in compliance and persuasion (whether having to do with business and marketing or seduction).

Applying Social Proof to Seduction
The powerful principle of social proof is pretty simple. The mere suggestion of a man’s popularity with women is often enough to make him more popular, virtually overnight.

Social proof really just a way of measuring “celebrity” — the more people, and the higher quality people, you have approving of you, hanging around you, talking about you, and paying attention to you, the more proof there is that you are socially valuable.

A guy who walks into a bar alone has virtually no social proof. A guy who walks into a bar with a beautiful woman on each arm, on the other hand, has massive social proof — people instantly wonder what it is about him that makes him able to roll around with two hot women. In this determination most people fall prey to the fundamental attribution error, which is just a fancy psychology term for the mistake we make when we attribute X characteristic (hot women, for example) to something that inheres in Y (the guy), rather than the other way around.

So here’s a quick list of ways you can leverage social proof to improve your success with women:

1. Pictures — I really can’t stress this enough. Every guy should have a camera phone with a full album of pictures that show him hanging with various attractive women. At home, he should have a picture album that is basically an expanded version of the same thing. If he has a social-networking profile (MySpace or Facebook or what have you), his profile should feature the same thing — although I will say that, on social networking sites, this practice is so overwhelmingly common as to be transparent and cheesy. But then, most things having to do with social networking websites are transparent and cheesy.

2. Social Pivots — You understand the principle of a male “wingman” to back you up and help engage groups when you’re out socializing. Female wingpeople are often called “pivots” because they not only enable you to more easily start interactions with other women and groups, but they give you implicit social proof. Hanging out with a beautiful woman will make other women view you as someone who obviously has the approval of one member of their gender, and therefore is probably not a stalker / rapist / loser.

Be careful going out with just one pivot, though — many single women (rightly) assume that a guy out alone with another girl is involved with her. For best results, take out a group of attractive girls, between 2 and 6 being an optimum size, depending on your social skills and pivot-management abilities. Larger groups of women, especially if they are friends with each other, are often very willful and a bit like a herd of cats.

3. Dating Detritus — A lot of guys who start getting into an active dating lifestyle start worrying a lot about the physical signs and symptoms that other women may pick up on — i.e., articles of female clothing left over at his apartment, trash cans full of condom wrappers, ticket stubs and other byproducts of an active dating life. I tell these guys NOT TO WORRY, because all these signs and symbols are just a more subtle form of social proof. If anything, I tell them to play up these elements, for better social proof — certainly at the very least, don’t be ashamed of your fishbowl full of phone numbers, or love letters from your last girlfriend, or handwritten scrawled morning-after notes thanking you for a “lovely night”.

This really goes to my core value of honesty — I believe girls who are dating me should know exactly what kind of guy I am, and further be aware that they do have competition for my time and affection. So far, I’ve gotten no complaints — girls that can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen. But practically speaking, most girls would rather compete in the heat than chill outside in the cold :)

4. Stories — If you have an active social or dating lifestyle, it should be apparent in your everyday speech, without coming across as try-hard or as though you’re trying to prove something. At a very basic level, I typically refer to an indeterminate “this one girl” and “this other girl” in explaining a remarked-upon article of clothing, or a fun story I have to tell. Most people pick up that hint pretty clearly. If I feel the need to make it more clear, I start using language that refers to “one of my girlfriends” or “my girlfriends and I”, almost as though I were a girl referring to her nonsexual female friends. This sparks curiosity but also implies polygamy in a pretty unequivocal way. I never, EVER use language like “my fuck buddy” or “friends with benefits” or other sexual connotation — I feel that, unless specifically solicited, it is very try-hard. Even if a girl starts pressing me on the status of my female friends, “Do you sleep with these girls?” etc, I usually just give a sly smile and a vague answer, “We are good friends, we have a good time together.”

Always let women draw their own conclusions — usually they will draw the “worst” possible (which is also the “best” for you).

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That’s it for social proof — if yo enjoyed this article, check out my article on the “opposite” of social proof — social pressure, and How to Withstand It.