Comments on: Why Women Cheat

By: Deathbunny

Deathbunny — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 20:01:10 +0000

There are two factors that many people leave out when they think about this:

1. Population size.

2. Social Homogamy.

Essentially, as far as population size go, humans evolved in small groups that were very interdependent for survival. This means that this behavior, in a small group, would mean that the genes of the small group that everyone depended on would tend to be the best available (as far as anyone could determine) whether from inside the group or not. Also, assuming a non-monogamous situation, many women would have children from more than one man which would build even more inter-dependence on each other and reduce the cost–at least at a genetic level–of being cuckolded because you are contributing to your own childrens genes.

The second factor–social homogamy–technically a from of inbreeding where a small inter-mating group tends to increase their genetic similarity over time, would also occur in small groups. This would mean that–in spite of the woman not bearing your child–you have some degree of genetic relatedness to the child anyway.

So, in a small group, like a hunting and gathering tribe, this would be very adaptive over time…

…however, after the advent of agriculture and the concept of ownership, paternity becomes important and we discover adultery…

*smirk*

(Psych major–the squishy side–minoring in Biology and Anthropology…)

By: $@kura

$@kura — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:20:59 +0000

Just keep in mind we’re sitting here reading and writing about a part of our mind over which we do not have
control. We don’t decide genes are important. Not in the way you make your conscious decisions. This is
why we say hard-wired. Evolution is responsible for that part of your thinking. And evolution operates on
a timescale that is just diffcult to get your head around. Your conscious decisions are to evolution as
nanoseconds are to the next video you watch on YouTube. You can’t see anything happening in a nanosecond.
You just see what’s already there. To you eye, it’s a still shot. How do you understand the video by
viewing a still shot? So, discuss what you see in your life all you want… it’s fun… but if you want to
see the ‘big picture’ you may need to turn to science, myth, faith, etc. You’re not going to see it by
analysing your life or anyone else’s.
If my lifespan were 10 million years, then maybe I could comment on my desire to have sex with many women.
Otherwise all I can do is talk about some part of my brain that’s been virtually unchanged for thousands of
years before I was born.
But it’s always funny to hear people react to the evolutionary psych biology/psych stuff. No one wants to feel out
of control.

By: Lars

Lars — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:44:25 +0000

Very interesting reading. I do believe that “evolution” of behavior does not come into play here. To compane humans’ monogamy to that of a tapeworm is a stretch. We are not, in any way, even close to any other creature when it comes to social activity, and certainly not when it comes to our minds. I understand how one might tend to compare the size of the balls of chimps with those of men. However, as you mention, women don’t run around looking for big balled men… it comes down to finding men who care about her needs, are sensitive, and have morals. Many couples I know have broken up because one or both sides was not sensitive to the key issues in a relationship… goodness, kindness, and most importantly unselfishness.

I absolutely agree with one of you comments: those with self-control won’t cheat, those with none will.

By: thirtyplus

thirtyplus — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 23:58:06 +0000

Why, for the same reason as women do: we’re hardwired to cheat.

Sociobiology says: sexual promiscuity and opportunism is a smart evolutionary adaptation for BOTH men and women.

Society says: yeah well, in that case all women are sluts, and all men are dogs.

I simply ask: The intellect and self-control can override both social and biological programming, so why worry about it? Those without self-control will cheat, and those with self-control will not. Simple as that.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 10:12:53 +0000

So why do men cheat then?

By: thirtyplus

thirtyplus — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 21:44:08 +0000

Hi HG,

First of all, thanks for reading and commenting so thoughtfully.

I won’t contradict you here — I also believe humans are somewhat more varied and complex than pop culture or even sociobiological explanations would have you believe.

The value in the models I am setting down here are in their predictive validity. What I write here can be used, not just as a model for understanding women, but as a framework that actually predicts their behavior and resultant relationship dynamics to a greater extent than most other models out there (say, the pop culture model you might get on Sex and the City, or the “academia” model you might get from reading behavioral psychology or sociology).

Sociobiology is very seductive to me, but by no means do I claim it shows 100% of the truth. I marry it with the lessons from my own experience and it gets a lot more realistic and usable.

The evidence of thousands of guys in real-world environments and real-life relationships bears out my claims here: understanding and demystifying the feminine mind is possible, and often leads to models that *work* in terms of leading to better interactions.

As for feminism: well, that’s probably a topic for a complete article. I do take specific issue with feminism, I do believe it has a proper extent, I do believe it has been overrun by individuals who don’t have the movement’s best interest at heart, and I absolutely can lay all this out with “taxonomic specificity” (I like the sound of that:)) but doing so would require way too many words for a comment.

But since I’ve had several questions like yours, it’s clearly time to commit it to electrons, just for the record. I do hope you’ll return and read once I have published that article.

By: HG

HG — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 16:29:57 +0000

Interesting blog, thanks for sharing. This post in particular got me thinking about the Jewish tradition - it’s totally matrilineal. Way to sidestep the issue of paternity.

I must say, it always bugs me to see either gender treated as something like prey, even if the portrayal is as intelligent and willing prey, as you seem to allow. It’s weird to see half the population treated as an alien species. It’s, um, alienating, even.

I fully recognize that much of popular culture supports the conceit about gender roles and sexual expectations. But I hold that humans are (at least potentially) more interesting, and their relationships more subtle, than the simple reductions served by popular culture or, for that matter, sociobiology.

I’m curious about your response, if any, to Euny’s questions about your issues with feminism. I’m curious about why you think feminism has gone too far - what is its proper extent? And why you feel comfortable taking issue with “feminism” as a whole instead of with specific issues. You must know what you’re referring to in those instances but I don’t. It’s a vague comment among so much taxonomic specificty elsewhere in your blog.

Thanks for reading,
HG