The Reality Method 2.0

What Women Want

This article will deal with the very basic and most fundamental framework of female psychology, that is, the Feminine Mind, and attempt to answer the age-old and oft-wondered question, “What do women really want?”

In attempting to answer this question, we will cover the basic psychological differences between men and women (briefly and not in much depth).

In future articles, we will touch on women’s role in modern, 1st-world or industrialized and “feminized” cultures (that is, cultures that have accepted and integrated the social, political and economic liberation of women).

Let’s get down to it.

The Absolute Basics
When people (usually men) ask me the above question, “What do women want,” my usual instinct is a flippant reply along the lines of,

A nice, hard cock.

That’s too simple, of course, but that such a thought should even enter my head should give you a big clue as to one of the Things Women Want: and incidentally, the explosion and debunking of a favorite feminist myth:

#1. Women love sex just as much as men - if not more.

The idea that all women are “prudes” and “good girls” and don’t enjoy sex but just “give it up” to men as a reward for good behavior and expensive dinners is a huge myth in Western society, and the sooner we are done with it, the better.

I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, guys; there is only one organ in the human animal designed exclusively for sexual pleasure, and it is found on a woman. Moreover, that organ also contains the same number of nerve endings as are found in our penises, but they are concentrated in an area roughly 10x smaller (and, arguably, circumsized men are missing probably a quarter to a half or more of those nerve endings anyway, but that’s another matter), leading to the popular misconception that a clitoris has 10x more nerve endings than a penis (since the structures are otherwise analogous).

But I digress. Women love sex as much as men, or more, and that is in part because of a sub-topic above point #1:

#1.a: Women are capable of a much greater range and depth of sexual enjoyment than are men.

This includes multiple orgasms, continuous orgasms, chained orgasms, and Orgasmic Variety (such as think-offs, nipple orgasms, anal orgasms, etc). Basically, a woman can be programmed psychologically to experience orgasmic pleasure and/or a physically measurable psychological “orgasm” to any number of different stimuli.

And while it’s true that some men can have long orgasms or more than one orgasm in a row, for men orgasm is a pretty open-and-shut-affair, for two reasons:

1) it is closely tied to ejaculation, and
2) our anatomy makes it hard to fool about with the orgasm process as easily as is done in women.

More on this later. For now, we must push on with the basic overarching principle: Women Enjoy And Want Sex More than Men (Mostly).

This, of course, leads to some very interesting implications, such as:

#2. Women can’t admit to wanting or needing sex in very overt ways.

This is changing, slowly, in some ultra-feminized cultures, where women can say, “Heck yes, I love sex! Bring it on! Give me more! The bigger and harder the better!” And not be considered a slut for it. However, odds are if a woman says that in a room with mixed company, a few people are still going to label her a slut or a tart (at least in their own minds).

Regardless of whether or not this is fair, the fact that it does happen plays a big part in keeping most women’s mouths tightly clamped about Wanting, Needing and Enjoying Sex, which leads us to….

#3. For women, social approval (rapport) is lifeblood.

Which requires a bit more explanation. What is social approval? Basically, it is being looked upon and seen as essentially “decent”, “worthwhile” and a positive, upstanding member of the social order.

More specifically, lots of pressure is placed on women by other women to conform to certain behaviors that maintain a sort of Feminine Status Quo: Don’t stand out and make us look bad, Don’t be overly sexual, Don’t be too masculine, Don’t say bad things about your social group to anyone’s face, Don’t take the man’s side or part.

Now, a lot of these Dos and Donts were originally formed for good evolutionary reasons. The prohibition against Sluttiness, for example, probably stems from the need to be somewhat exclusive and not too “easy” for men to sleep with, and thus protecting the paternity of whoever’s baby it was.

In other words - if a girl was “slutty” and slept around in days past - that probably meant she was sleeping with guys who didn’t have “The Best” genes. And worse, when she got pregnant, she wouldn’t know exactly whose kids she was carrying - which would case plenty of fights among various males who had slept with her (and this still happens, by the way).

A lot of the Feminine Status Quo, upon reflection, may have to do with Sexual Selectivity and preserving the social and sexual pecking order.

Think of humanity as we used to live - as we have lived for most of our history, in fact - in tribes of maybe 40 individuals. In this tribe, you have maybe 15 females, and 25 males. Of the 15 females, four or five were pregnant and with child (removing them from sexual availability), and another three to four were too old to give birth anymore - leaving maybe five young, healthy, sexually-available females.

So that’s 5 viable female “brides” for 25 males. That’s a pretty bad ratio. Given what we see in pride and pack animals today, it’s a sure thing only the most fit, the strongest, the best providers - in other words, the most Alpha (dominant, leadership role) males of the tribe were likely to breed with these 5 viable females. So that’s 20% of the male breeding population monopolizing 100% of the female breeding population.

Now, things have changed a lot since those days. Today, most societies are split much closer to 50-50, and any given guy has a good chance of finding some given girl to sleep with him. This modern myth that there is “someone for everyone” could only come about in societies where the forcible taking of breeding resources (women) was outlawed, the population was balanced at about 50-50, and these laws were enforced in order to give everyone a fair shake in the reproduction game.

Granted, this is a lot fairer than the “strongest get to have babies”, and we should be glad for that - but the IMPORTANT thing is that a lot of human behavior that was hard-wired over hundreds of thousands of years is still around.

Coming back to our original subject, evolutionary sexual selectivity determining modern-day behaviors; the prohibition against appearing “slutty” (not “being” slutty, an important distinction) has some very good precedents in tribal history: back then, being “slutty” or “loose” meant have low (or no) sexual standards, and THAT meant that a woman would sleep with any guy who wants to sleep with her, and therefore produce random children whose paternity could not be easily determined. Excess children would also put a strain on the tribe’s resources.

Back to sexual standards. In tribal societies (although not so much today) sexual selectivity was literally a matter of life and death. Your goal was to mate with the Best Possible Genes: you wanted your genes, no matter how good or bad they were from an objective standpoint, to mix with the Best Genes, those most Likely to Survive.

And, of course, how can we tell how good someone’s genes are but by looking at them, and observing their skills and capabilities?

And from hence springs the theory of modern-day Beauty: that is, why women find tall, muscular, fit and athletic (not to mention powerful or leading men) attractive, and why men find slim, young-looking, big-breasted, large-hipped women attractive.

To backtrack to our point; we began by talking about Women and how Social Approval and Rapport was their lifeblood. There is another good evolutionary (sociobological) reason this is so: in tribal societies, social exclusion meant Death; literally and figuratively. Without a tribe to call our own, without a kin-network, we would literally be unable to gather enough food to sustain ourselves; or at least be put at such a huge disadvantage that survival was highly unlikely for the long term.

For a Neanderthal person, forget about bringing down a saber-toothed tiger let alone a Mammoth by yourself; get instead to hunting for twigs and berries that might sustain you, a hunt that would probably consume a great deal of your time; and without any real source of protein or other human bodies to huddle with for warmth, how long might you last against the punishing elements and ravenous carnivores?

So in prehistory, and certainly to a lesser extent today, social network (tribes) were Life; being kicked out of one for whatever reason was as good as a death warrant (albeit perhaps a slow one). Today, plenty of people lead alienated, solo lives - think of the shut-in artist, or the crotchety old hermit. But brain research has shown that these people suffer physically from their isolation - most notably in the lack of brain growth, development, and earlier onset of “pruning” or brain cell death (see The Developing Mind, Daniel J. Siegel M.D.).

So for women - without the testosterone and faster muscle-activation abilities of men, without their physical hardiness - social exclusion was probably even more deadly, leading to the result that we see in the modern day that although both genders fear social exclusion and stigma, women fear it in more precise and quantifiable way - especially with groups of other women.

This leads us to our fourth principle…

#4. Nobody is harder on women than other women; women are generally more accepting of men than of other women.

This has profound implications for men who are afraid of rejection or judgment by women. In my view, in fact, it is men who ought to be most harshly judgmental of themselves; a true man is his own harshest critic. Better to be overly hard on yourself, and hold yourself to high standards, than to be perceived by others as lazy, lacking, or deficient as a man.

But that’s just me; your mileage may vary.

To all the men out there who are afraid of rejection / judgment by women: Don’t Be Afraid. You may have grown up with a horribly controlling, judging, rejecting mother - I did - but it’s not the end of the world, and not all women are like that. In fact, most women are more likely to be accepting of you and overlook your gaffes, mistakes, slip-ups, and misjudgments, simply because you have a penis, whereas they would pounce on similar errors in females.

An interesting twist on this is that women are more likely to vote for male candidates for political office; and be more judgmental of, and set higher bars for, women of comparable skill and experience running for similar positions. This may also be true in the business world, although I am not certain (I would assume that it is). These examples of sexual judgment that may or may not have roots in sociobiology, but most certainly also have roots in learned sexism and cultural programming.

The evolutionary biology just previously mentioned has probably fed into cultural conditioning that reinforces these sexist standards.

So #4 above has one more implication: women are also, in general, their own worst critics. This is important to realize in interaction with them, and explains why they often seem to go “fishing for insults” (as in “does my bum look big in this?” or “Am I fat?”) When women go so fishing they are doing one of two things:

A) Throwing up a shit-test to see if you are even paying attention to them, and
B) Looking to confirm their own self-critical bias and judgment

Despite the irrationality of this, of course they will still be mad at you and feel hurt if you fail the shit-test and/or confirm their own self-critical bias.

This is an important distinction to understand: whereas a real man, being his own worst critic, will bear his self-criticism in silence and resolve silently to do better, a woman (being a more socially-keyed animal and more conscious of rapport) will seek external validation or invalidation of her self-critical judgments, often from the nearest man. And although she may not admit to it, the external response she gets will make an impact on her judgments and behavior.

This explains why women are more vulnerable to social influence - deliberately vulnerable, and that by design, I believe.

Onwards:

#5. Women really have two brains: an emotional and a logical; and they tend to rely on their emotional brains more often than not.

Of course I’m not speaking physiologically; but it is a useful metaphor to use when thinking about how women think and make decisions.

What I mean when saying women have two brains is just this: women can either think logically, or think using their emotions.

A woman’s emotional brain is responsible for telling her what to do based on how she feels - while her rational brain works just like a man’s (for reference on this concept, check out The Sexual Key by J.D. Fuentes).

So, with examples.

A rational brain process - a masculine process, used by a man, or by a woman, would be the following:

Behavior X + Behavior Y = Result Z (where result Z is an external accomplishment).

Example: “I got this project done under budget and on time, which got me nice bonus at work, which means I can afford to buy that nice new car I want.”

Sounds fine, right? And it is. Only a lot of women don’t follow the above process. Instead, they use:

Behavior X + Result Z = Feeling Y (where Feeling Y is just any emotional state).

Example: “I got this project done under budget and on time, and after telling my Grandma this she invited me over for tea, which made me feel really empowered and like I can compete with a man in her eyes, which made me realize that she supports my career and ability to do a man’s job just as well as a man, even if I haven’t gotten married or had children yet. I feel so validated and happy.”

Now, it’s unlikely a woman would use that term, “validated” - but her feelings remain the same. See the circuitous and emotions-based route traveled? It’s not A + B = C. It’s A + B = W, and the outcome is internal and having to do with the self and internal processes, not external and to do with objects or objectives.

This is not to say women ONLY use their emotional brains. No, they can use either logical system quite easily - but they have a tendency to use their emotional system more frequently, and to rely on it in many situations (especially RELATIONSHIP situations). This is what is called “chick logic”.

The WHY of all this - WHY do women have the emotional track - is extremely interesting, but a question to be explored in a different article, as well.

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So, we’ve covered a lot of the basics. Although I tried to be as succinct as possible, that’s still a lot of “basic” information on women to put together.

Let’s review:

1. Women love sex just as much as men - if not more.
   Additionally, women are capable of a much greater range and depth of sexual enjoyment than are men (typically).
2. Women can’t admit to wanting or needing sex in very overt ways.
3. For women, social approval (rapport) is lifeblood.
4. Nobody is harder on women than other women; women are generally more accepting of men than of other women.
5. Women really have two brains: an emotional and a logical; and they tend to rely on their emotional brains more often than not.

These 5 principles, taken together, begin to draw a picture of the Woman as a complex, varied, conflicted, but ultimately understandable and predictable creature. Hardly the Essence of Mystery and Beguiling Chaos so adored by Romance poets, is it?

Hopefully, this article has opened some doors of perception to you; but there’s lots more to come, delving deeper into many subjects barely mentioned in this piece.

Keep your eyes peeled. We’ve barely gotten started.