Oh and I apologize if I seem stubborn; it stems from my own frustration with an inability to be uber-social even when I try to be. I’m VERY skeptical by nature, and push for evidence.

I have a huge amount of patience. Really, I do. But what you are exhibiting here is a stubborn willfulness that borders on inflammatory.

Everyone on this thread has tried to help you. You do not appear open to help. Therefore the attempts to help will go away. You are the horse that has been led to a great beautiful lake but is convinced you smell sewage.

PS. I suppose you may derive some self-esteem from being reduced to a living vibrator by your ex-girlfriend, but I think it’s rather unfortunate. For your own good: Don’t let women use you like that.

I have long known that confidence (I prefer this term to “dominance”) is necessary to getting women. I also know that this is something I do need to work on and am willing and able to do so. I would think losing 80 pounds and getting some semblance of a social life in my senior year of high school (3 years ago) proves this.

What I am simply not willing to do is sacrifice who I am as a person– I’m not, and never will be Mr. Social, and consider myself a proud nerd who likes things like history and sci-fi.

My question is– is it really necessary to change this fundamental aspect of my identity to become more attractive to women? Will a core group of friends and average social skills be enough to attract women if I pair it with a quirky sense of humor (always gets people to like me), novelty (I’m an archaeologist-in-training), and good looks (I’m either “cute” or “hot” depending on how attractive (or how drunk) the woman in question is).

I feel my problem is not attracting women per se so much as knowing how and when to make a move– I get looks all the time; I just rarely do anything about them due to not knowing what to say or do.

Although thirtyplus claims to write “what actually works… for real, in the real world”, I can’t help but express skepticism. I have attempted to implement his and other similar seduction techniques and have not noticed much improvement. The whole industry seems like a giant scam, and I find that really, improving my physique and posture- along with having a handsome face- has gotten me more results than any pickup lines ever can.

Not that I’m a Don Juan by any means, but I don’t want to be. I just want to be able to start a conversation with an attractive stranger without seeming awkward or intimidated. And I want to know that when the time comes to make a move, I can trust myself not to puss out.

Her complaints were not so much about how I acted DURING sex as how I acted AFTER- we basically were fighting over who would do the holding during cuddling, and who would be held.

My (now-ex) girlfriend always orgasmed with me via cuninlingus. Never in her life has she ever orgasmed via coitus, and she has only once orgasmed through cuninlingus with someone else.

Because I was the only one she could count on to consistently make her orgasm, she even agreed to maintain a FWB relationship with me after we broke up.

If you’re suggesting that the level of dominance shown by a man correlates with how often his partner orgasms, my own experience seems to contradict that.

To get a woman to orgasm, all you need to do eat pussy, and do it well.

I appreciate your frustration with the seeming immaturity of it all. Believe me, when I realized how easy it is to seduce the average wife, it disconcerted me no little. Nevertheless, I believe that maturity is not the best way to conceptualized the issue. One simple fact will shed light on the utility of thinking of it in these terms:

Attraction is not a choice.

Sure, every day many women rationally choose to marry a man to gain a partner in life and raise a family. This is a mature choice, but it has little to do with attraction. These are the women who rarely if ever orgasm with their husbands. Attraction is not morality or maturity, it is biology.

Yes, one has a right to one’s sexual preferences, but standing on one’s rights is irrelevant to attraction. Women also have the right to choose their partners. You can stand on your rights, but you may be standing alone.

Maturity also means accepting reality in order to achieve one’s goals. Which or the following is better: (1) the Wright brothers sitting around grumbling about the difficulty of overcoming gravity; or (2) the Wright brothers thinking about how to bend the laws of physics to their will.

So I say again, how can you bend the laws of biology to your will so that you can meet both your girlfriend’s needs and your needs?

My beef is that ALL the men in my family are introverted like this. I’ve been diagnosed with a mild case of asperger’s syndrome (which I’ve overcome to the point that the only manifestation is mild social awkwardness), and my grandfather probably has it as well, albeit undiagnosed. My father is less like this, but is still no socialite.

My friendship needs are met by a few good friends. My “group of buddies” for bar-hopping are usually my roommates and thus change every year.

Thus the number of friends I have is low, and most of my friends are similarly quirky like myself- they all have non-mainstream tastes in music and entertainment, and my closest friend is visibly nerdy.

Yet these are the type of people I enjoy hanging with. Will this inherently makes me seem less “alpha” to women?