The Reality Method 2.0

How to Have Threesomes with your Bisexual Girlfriend

Threesomes are a hot topic; I briefly covered them in The Elusive Threesome. Now it’s time to dig into them in more detail and share my experience (and, indirectly, the experience of many other men) in enlisting the help of a bisexual girlfriend to help you achieve the mystical threesome.

My first inkling of the idea of “tandem hunting” (and that specific phraseology) comes to me by way of a very experienced guy. He explained that he had first been given the idea of using his girlfriend to hunt for other women with while watching cheetahs hunt the native dik-dik on the African savanna during a safari trip.

As he explained, what cheetahs do is simple: one of them walks right into the open in some proximity to a pack of dik-diks (small antelopes). The dik-diks are unnerved by the sight of their predator, and, although they can see the cheetah isn’t close enough to make a go at them, they casually start moving away….

…right into the path of the cheetah’s mate, who has been stealthily hiding in the grass directly in their path. Then, of course, the other cheetah pounces, and it’s game over for a dik-dik.

I’m going make a few assumptions before we start:

• You already have a (confirmed) bi-sexual girlfriend; i.e. she has positively had sexual experiences with a girl before
• You and your girlfriend have had discussions about her sexual past and your desire for a threesome
• You and your girlfriend are not in a strictly “monogamous” or seriously committed (i.e. engaged) relationship

If all those are in order, you can proceed directly to the next step…

Sowing the Seeds of the Threesome: F.A.P., Bisexuality Thread, and Anchoring Fantasies

A lot of guys who get into relationships with bisexual girls do it by accident. Typically, if a bi girl is very attractive at all, she will also be more high self-esteem than a straight girl of her looks would be; because she knows that bisexuality is a desirable trait in a woman (exactly because guys assume a bisexual chick will make it easy for them to get into threesomes).

So, if you meet and are talking to a girl, and it comes up that she’s bisexual, don’t make a big deal out of it. Treat it like you would the information that she’s a musician, or likes inner-tubing, or whatever. I happen to sort of believe, half-seriously, that All Women are Bisexual, and this gives me a naturally strong frame from which to thread that direction of conversation, if it comes up. A girl will say, “Yeah, I consider myself bisexual” and my response will be basically “Oh, you too?” in a very underwhelmed tone. Then I might launch into something akin to David Spade’s comedy bit just to have fun with the concept and get her laughing, deflecting the attention from her own claim to bisexuality. Then later I might call back the conversation and bring up that thread again in a serious way, and ask her to basically prove that she actually is solidly bi.

This is what I like to call “The Bisexuality Thread“. I use it even on girls who profess to be straighter than straight, and have never yet met a girl who I couldn’t get making out with another girl if I ran this thread long enough and congruently enough. With genuinely bi girls, the thread runs itself.

The “thread” is basically composed of discussion about / relating to her sexuality and her desire to be with other girls and/or a threesome. So things I typically bring up:

• What kind of girls do you like?
• Tell me about the girls you’ve been with.
• Look at that girl over there, isn’t she hot? Which is hotter, X, Y or Z? Would YOU do her?
• Which make better kissers/lovers, boys or girls?

I’m sure you get the idea; which is to get her thinking and talking in more detail and depth about her feelings and desires for women.

The next step is to link those feelings and desires to you. Basically, what you do is set up a little fantasy / thought experiment where you say something like, “She’s (girl over there) hot. And see, she was looking at us. I bet she wants to fuck us both.” And then running with it, describing how you could take her to dinner, lure her back to your place, ply her with wine and chocolates, or whatever. The girl will typically go along with this fantasy-spinning, although if she’s straight-laced and prudish enough to begin with she’ll swat you and downplay it. But she’s still listening to it, and that is all it takes.

This is not some underhanded trick; women use it all the time in the context of relationships as part of their setting expectations for the future. Somewhere along the line somebody described this by coining the term “Future Adventure Projection”, which has the hilarious acronym F.A.P. The idea is that you and her sexing a girl together will be an adventure, it will happen in the future, and you are projecting your mind (and hers, if she’s listening) into the future to see it.

In order to do F.A.P. right you have to always be casually joking about things you and her might do in the future; semi-seriously, but in a joking tone so it’s not coming across as commanding. You don’t want to be all serious and say “We’re gonna fuck other people and you’re gonna like it.” That will just kick in her automatic defense, and she’ll resist. You want it to be a joke, but a joke that plants seeds.

The next step is to make those feelings and desires she naturally has, and the scenarios you’ve spun with F.A.P., hotter and more explicit, i.e. full-blown sexual fantasies. The best time to do this is during sex. During sex (and this needs to be covered in another post), a woman is in her most suggestible state, and obviously being most submissive and receptive to you in those moments. So just hearing you say things like “It would be so hot if you were licking another woman’s pussy right now,” and “You want to see me fuck another girl, don’t you?” during the process of sex is actually quite effective. See The Power of Sex for more on this.

Assuming you’ve laid all this groundwork correctly, you can proceed to the next step…

Turning Fantasy into Reality
So you’ve gotten your girlfriend aroused and turned on by the idea of having a threesome with another girl. She’s gung-ho, 100% behind the idea. The next step is a search process.

This is actually one of the more difficult parts of bringing this all off: finding a girl that both you and she can agree to sleep with. A lot of women can and will be shy, approaching women or looking at them with the preconceived intent “I’m going to fuck you with my boyfriend,”; it feels vaguely sinister to them, especially since girls in the U.S. are so accustomed to cognitive dissonance and shirking responsibility for sex (in an effort to avoid the “slut” label). But, if you’ve been building the Bisexuality Thread for long enough, and can get your girlfriend to admit and identify certain girls she’d like to sleep with, you’re a step ahead of the game.

Because of their shyness about it, many girls will turn to internet personals or MySpace, looking for girls to threesome with. This, in my experience, is a bad idea - simply because most of the women who are willing to hook up with a random couple from the internet either are either

• flakes just playing around
• have some sort of personality disorder or flaw
• are just plain ugly / diseased (can’t get sex any other way)

…Or some combination of the three. Trust me, these are NOT women you want to be bringing into your home with your girlfriend (for the most part — and in my experience, the exceptions prove the rule).

Club Girls Love Threesomes
The best way to find girls, actually, is just to go out to clubs. Say what you will about the quality of women in nightclubs — I actually consider those stereotypes to be a point in favor of hunting there. You’re not looking for a new LTR, you’re not looking for an incredibly high-quality, interesting, professional women - you’re looking for a hot girl to be your sex toy for the evening, and there are plenty of those at nightclubs.

The idea with nightclubs is to avoid the “creepy couple” frame and instead roll with the “happy/sexy/fun couple having a good time” vibe. Your confidence in and attraction for each other should be palpably coming off you.

Have you ever been in a nightclub and seen what was clearly a couple hanging out? The thing I see over and over again (and this is from the boring, average couples) is the couples come in, they’re not holding hands (and if they do, they soon stop), they face away from each other, clearly seeking validation and attention from outward sources. It’s like they’re trying to not be a couple as long as they’re in the club — which makes sense, if you consider a nightclub in it’s evolutionary and historical contexts.

The other thing I see, which is even WORSE, is couples coming in and just being literally attached to each other all night long, just wrapped up in each other off in some dark corner making out.

These are the two polar opposite extremes you see that happen as a result of the insecurity caused by the club environment. Your goal, with your girlfriend, is to fall somewhere in between these two extremes. Don’t ignore each other, but don’t be too much into each other, either.

Pulling Them Home — Techniques
Taking single women home with you (as a couple) is actually, according to most men (and my own experience) easier than going home with a girl you’ve never met yourself. This is for two main reasons:

• There’s a lot of implied trust and comfort because there is a female present
• There’s a lack of pressure, because she can sense that the two of you are more into each other than her

Those two points are key, and everything else in your behavior must line up behind them. You must demonstrate that not only are you two far more interested in each other than in her, but that you are going to get laid anyway, and nobody is pressuring her or relying on her to do anything.

So, for instance. Some couples might go out with this mission-based mindset of “we gotta pull a hot girl for a threesome tonight.” That adds pressure to their internal state, and affects their outward vibe, making them come across as searching and needy (”creepy”).

Instead, put that goal (the threesome) in the back of your mind, and just go out to have a good time, make out in public, and demonstrate to the world how into each other you are. This will create a fun, sexual vibe that single women will find arousing.

As for techniques, a very powerful one can be to simply make-out with you girlfriend, while making eye contact with the hot girl you are interested in. Or have your girlfriend make eye contact. This may sound a bit tricky, but it’s really easy; while your mouth is on hers, your eyes are free to essentially look over her shoulder, and across the room to whatever hot girl is sitting by herself trying hard to ignore you.

It will often make them blush, but feel somewhat aroused at the same time. When I was about 18, I was hanging out at an indoor ice rink and a couple my age did this to me for about 15 minutes; the girl would make out hardcore with her boyfriend while giving me huge doe “fuck-me” eyes. Now, given how young they were, they probably weren’t trying to pull me for a threesome; but the physical makeout with her boy allowed the girl to feel justified in giving me such a sexual stare because of the context of what she was doing. Such a lustful gaze would not have been OK if she and her boyfriend had just been standing there not touching.

Another technique is to play dominant/submissive — just like the cheetahs. Usually, as the man, you get to play the dominant rule — be very assertive, and just walk up to the hot girl in question and say, “Hey, my girlfriend thinks you’re beautiful and wants to kiss you.” And then shut up. Have your girlfriend close behind you, hanging back (submissive) but still looking turned on and aroused. It’s best if you deploy this line right after you’ve been making out with your girl; the sexual vibe is almost unbeatable.

Ultimately, how you play it with the girl is up to you; I’ve seen and heard of all types of things working — the man being dominant, the woman being dominant and initiating. For some people it works to get the girl/girl makeouts and sexual vibe going early, for others the guy has to make-out with the (other) girl first. Older couples tend to start with hugs and back rubs and move up to kissing gradually, while for the younger nightclub-and-party set, full-monty makeouts and petting can be brought on pretty quickly.

I’ve seen enough variation to believe that almost any combination can work, as long as you are congruent with it.

Eventually, though, it becomes clear that this girl is now part of your group, and is going home with you. Sometimes it requires more logistical planning than that, but usually it’s as simple as “let’s go eat” or “let’s go to the afterbar” or whatever logistics bridge you usually use in a club setting. Some guys have gotten away with being very direct, taking the target aside and essentially saying, “Look, we’re seducing you, you should come have fun with us — but no pressure, it’s up to you” - and have it work for them, and I believe it. This works in a way it would never work with a guy-on-girl situation, for the reasons mentioned above.

So what do you do once you get her home?

Laying Ground Rules & Boundaries
The most important part of a threesome with your girlfriend — if you want to have more than one - is laying good ground rules (and/or setting boundaries).

The format of this is:

Honey, I want this to be fun, and be a special night. I want you to know that you will always be #1 in my life - we share a special bond. And to prove that to you, I want you and I to agree that we will save a special act for just us.

Where “special act” can be virtually ANYTHING you agree on, from kissing to oral sex to coming inside the other girl to anal sex.

In other words, you tell your girlfriend beforehand that you will NEVER come inside another girl. Or never kiss her open-mouthed, or never go down on her (a good one). By setting aside that one particular sex act as “special” and building an impenetrable wall around it, you are helping enormously to assuage her fears that you will “like the other girl better” or get emotionally attached to her.

If you’re doing this with another guy, you need to set the same boundaries — your girl won’t go down on him, or swallow his cum, or whatever it may be. And more importantly, you need to set up those boundaries with the *guy* before sex (which is more likely to work, given how women can be “caught up in the moment” during sex, while men typically always maintain that top-down analytical frame; especially when a burlier guy is just two feet away watching them carefully).

It’s still important to verbally re-iterate, before every threesome, that you won’t get emotionally attached to the other girl — that she is just a play-toy. And then of course, do your best to NOT get emotionally attached to the other girl; because if you DO, and you do something about it (like, say dump your girlfriend for her, or do what you said you wouldn’t) then you will have created a trust issue for that girl related to threesomes for the rest of her life. In effect, you will have “spoiled” a part of her sexual repertoire for her other partners (after you) until someone else undoes the damage you’ve done.

So, play nice; set solid boundaries; and stick to them. Often “in the heat of the moment” your girlfriend will start doing hardcore shit tests; i.e. asking and encouraging you to cum inside the other girl, or go down on her, or whatever you promised *not* to do. She will do it urgently and convincingly; but if you do what she says, you will have failed the test and she will be VERY hurt and VERY pissed off.

Making it a Habit
If you follow the above steps, and ABOVE ALL stick to your guns with regards to your boundaries during sex, your girlfriend will get warmer and happier with each threesome, and more inclined to go into the next one. For all I’ve said about how threesomes can absolutely destroy low-self-esteem or “monogamy”-minded, girls, with the right girl they can be a huge trust-builder….as well as being insanely fun.

So there you have it. The quick (believe it or not!) guide to scoring threesomes with your (bisexual) girlfriend. I actually left out a LOT of detail pertaining to the process of picking up, sexual timing and escalation, sexual games, and the proper mindset, for the sake of brevity. If you want more detail or more information, feel free to email me or comment and I’ll spill more beans. But the above should get you started in broad strokes.

Let me close with one of my favorite toasts, which is either Greek or Hebrew depending on who you ask: “Here’s to living single, seeing double, and sleeping triple!”

Related Articles:

• Laying the Groundwork for Harem
• Managing Open Relationships: Fuck Buddies and Friends with Benefits
• The Power of Sex
• Attaining The Elusive Threesome
• Acquiring a Woman's Loyalty