Approach Women vs Opening Women
This is terminology that gets used a lot in the Dating and Seduction industry:
“How to Approach the Girl of your Dreams.”
The word that you see used less frequently in commercial products, and more by the actual gurus, is “opening”. As in Opening a conversation; getting a girl or group of people to “open” to you. As in, people out in public places are “closed” to strangers, and can be “opened” with the right combination of wit, charm, and humility.
I want to draw out the distinction here, and use the two concepts as mental tools to help frame successful interactions.
What is The Approach?
A lot of seduction or dating products talk about “The Approach”. I believe there is even a book called “The Art of the Approach”.
What these guys are doing is classifying the very process of walking up to a girl and talking to her as “The Approach”. The whole thing is a big process to them; it’s the Approach as a Verb mentality. New guys to the field are asked, “How many approaches have you done?” Or “Go out and do your approaches man!” It’s all very mechanistic.
I think this Approach as a Verb thinking is maladaptive; it puts too much importance on the actual process of walking up to an unfamiliar woman and talking to her — too much importance, and therefore too much pressure.
I also feel the emphasis is on the wrong part of the interaction in Approach as a Verb thinking: the emphasis on The Approach itself, rather than the outcome of that “approach”.
I liken the entire thing to pilots talking about how many Attempted landings they have on their record, rather than how many flights. Obviously, for a pilot to say “I’ve done 1,567 approaches to the runway!” is a lot different from a pilot saying “I’ve completed 1,000 flights as pilot.”
The first pilot may have gotten stuck in a bad weather pattern and had to “wave off” many times; but that doesn’t tell you anything meaningful about his actual record or skill — unless it tells you that 1/3rd of the time he’s too chicken to put the plane on the ground.
A Better Way to Use The Word
I’d rather use the word Approach as a noun; in that context, it has more in common with the term “calibration”.
Women require different “approaches” in interactions. Some women prefer a direct approach: others might benefit from a more subtle approach.
Or, once you’ve gotten to know a woman, you might take X or Y approach to the overall relationship arc.
Or, if a sticky issue or situation comes up in the normal progression of the relationship, you might choose to approach it in one of several different ways.
Overall, when some starts talking about “the approach” or “approaches”, I’m thinking of nouns, not verbs — the thing, not the action. This may not work for your personally, but it helps me to keep from putting too much pressure on the actual process of starting conversations with strangers.
For that, I use the concept, “opening”.
Opening and Street Attitudes
I’d rather use the word “open” or “opening” to refer to conversation-starting; not only does it more accurately reflect what physically happens (the progression from “closed-off stranger” to “opened friend” mentioned above), but it does a better job describing the overall mindset that is required to successfully start conversations with strangers.
To open successfully is to be open. An “open” attitude that is constantly ready to exchange a few words (or an entire conversation) with anyone who might happen across your path.
To see an example of this, walk through the densest downtown of any major urban center at the height of pedestrian traffic (right before or after work, for instance). Try to keep track of people who are carrying either the “open” or “closed” attitude. It won’t be difficult, because:
To study the real extremes, here’s another hint: homeless people, or street performers. These are the most “open” people you are likely to encounter in public. Study their body language and how they interact with the crowd — since they are almost always asking for change or talking with strangers, they have a by-default “open” attitude.
Or look at tourists in a major tourist destination — they are pretty “open” by default, mostly since they have to look at everything curiously in order to navigate.
Use these street attitudes to develop a keen sense of when someone is “open” as opposed to “closed”; then you can use later enjoy that same sense as you bring a complete stranger from being “closed” to the “open” state.
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Ultimately, this is getting dangerously close to semantic pedantry; but the distinction is important enough in my mind to draw out, because I think it helps guys who fear “The Approach” (cue Jaws music playing as he fearfully trudges towards a pretty girl) but do not fear “being open”.
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