The Reality Method 2.0

On The Variety of the Female Specimen

In general, I believe there are as many different types of women as there are women.

However, when looking for a girlfriend, friend with benefits, or relationship with a modern, Western woman, it is important to have a few basic categories in mind to inform your perception of any given woman.

I like to think of women as falling into rough categories based on where they fall on two simple axes running from HIGH to LOW. Those two axes are

1. Sex drive

and,

2. Self-esteem

These two dimensions are extremely important to modern women; I think they play key roles in the foundation of a woman’s ability to function in the world and relationships.

Now, although I believe these axes are continuous rather than discrete, it’s useful for the sake of comparison to examine the “end states” — cases where women are concretely and unassailably HIGH sex drive, for example, and HIGH self-esteem (abbrev. HD HSE for this article and in the future).

Given the two axes and low and high points on each, we end up with four overall female “profiles”:

1. The Queen
2. The Prude
3. The Victim
4. The Virgin Validator

A picture might save me from typing a thousand words:

Let’s go in reverse order and talk a little bit about the type of women you’re likely to encounter in each quadrant.

The Virgin Validator — Low Drive, Low Self Esteem
Ok, ok, “validator” isn’t actually a word, bear with me here.

There are two possible origins of a low sex drive (LD) for a woman: biological or behavioral.

Biologically, it’s all about hormone levels. Of course hormone levels fluctuate over the course of days, weeks, months and years for both genders, yielding different levels of “horniness” at any given point in time. A lot of birth control preparations can lower sex drive this way; also, anorexic or bulimic women typically have lowered sex drive because of the odd hormonal things that are going on in their bodies due to starvation or binging.

But over the long haul, an overall trend occurs. If that trend baseline is lower than the average woman, we call it LD.

Behaviorally, circumstances which lead to a “low” sex drive are just as common. An ex-girlfriend put it this way:

a low sex drive girl is a girl that has not really had a bad, traumatizing sexual experience, but rather uneventful, and unfulfilling [sexual experiences]

She’s exactly right. I happen to believe that ALL women, properly sexed up, are high-drive: only virgins (who don’t know what they’re missing) and women who’ve had really bad, boring, uneventful sex are “low drive”.

Behaviorally speaking, I think women become LD by either

A) having sex with men they are *not* attracted to (being “talked” into sex, and therefore deliberately emotionally distancing themselves from the experience from the outset)
or

B) not having sex at all.

I suppose some women could have traumatic experiences and be turned off to sex forever after, but typically the reverse is true.

The Virgin Validator (LD LSE) is also either

A) very resistant to relationships (ignores clear signals from interested guys because their affections don’t penetrate her “screen” of negative self-beliefs),
or,
B) gets into and out of relationships like most people change pants (trouble with secure attachment, labile and easy to manipulate because of LSE, etc).

Now, because a VV woman doesn’t desire sex very often, she often uses it to try to repair her chronically low self-esteem; seeking sexual validation, in effect, for her crippling lack of healthy self-worth. The experience of being in a man’s arms in that intimate setting makes her feel desired and valuable — but of course those feelings flee just as fast as the shadows in the room when the lights come back on.

Sometimes, a VV will go the opposite direction, and not have sex very often at all, only “giving it up” occasionally because there’s so little in it for her (no orgasm, no real enjoyment, etc). But that’s typically the exception that proves the rule.

VV’s can also be very beautiful (though they don’t believe it and don’t accept compliments well).

The Victim — High Drive, Low Self Esteem
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, this type of woman should be pretty familiar to you. There are “Victim”-style women scattered all over the dating landscape in America — much like in a minefield.

And, like mines, these women will blow sky-high if you mess with them.

A “Victim”-ized woman has low self-esteem, but high sex drive. This gets her into trouble with the “wrong” type of guys — the players, the deadbeats, the abusers, the alcoholics and addicts.

Most of these women are re-living trauma experienced in their past — commonly this is physical or sexual abuse. Because of their low self-worth, they are attracted to the same type of people that visited the abuses on them in the first place, and so the abuses continue unabated, until they wise up.

Obviously, these women lead lives of high drama, and for that reason most stable, secure men try to avoid them. They are the proverbial “Drama Mammas” of the world.

High sex drive that is derived from (childhood) abuse or molestation is interesting, to say the least. These are some of the kinkiest women you will ever meet — women that want you to choke them and hit them, and I mean REALLY choke them and hit them, during sex.

I’ve met a woman who needed to receive a (small but non-trivial) electric shock to get off; women who liked being tied up, to bleed, to be rendered unconscious during sex. There is no question that these are some seriously unwell individuals. Of course it’s not all that extreme; some milder forms of kink are prevalent in women who received milder abuse or psychological trauma.

The take-away lesson is that while these women are great fun in bed (and often get the most worked up about sex), the drama that comes along with it is simply not worth it.

The other drawback is that most of these women NEED to be treated like trash in order to be sexually attracted to a guy. I’ve met plenty of girls who were otherwise so sweet, innocent and loving that I couldn’t bring myself to treat them they way they needed to be treated in order to trigger their attraction for me.

The Prude - Low Drive, High Self Esteem
This is the girl we all hated in high school: beautiful, accomplished, but utterly pure.

They’re able to stay pure because they are chronically low drive: and this is the type of LD that is associated with biological causes (hormone levels), not behavioral or circumstantial ones (as with the Virgin Validator).

This is the type of girl many men “fall in love” with at an early age, only to discover, even if they are able to flip the attraction switches and generate a little bit of desire in the woman, it is not enough to float the encounter up over the barrier of her low drive and into the realm of relationship and more.

These women can also use sex in relationships to control the men; but more typically they are too happy and productive to stoop to that manipulative low.

Because their healthy self-esteem typically allows them to be high achievers, happy, and well-liked by all, these girls can get a “Holier-than-thou” attitude. Of course, their success and achievement only adds to their allure, and the attraction they suck up from guys only feeds into that and snowballs in a self-sustaining cycle. These are some of the happiest women that you will ever meet: it takes a LOT to bring them down — and this makes them extremely obnoxious to many other women and even some guys.

Having said all that, if the right guy manages to snare one of these women, she makes a wonderful wife and mother: supportive, reliable, organized, productive, and social.

If I were a woman, this is the type of woman I would aspire to be: despite having the volume turned down in sexual areas, their lives are otherwise happy and bright.

The Queen
Obviously this is the “pedestal” position in my little model: a woman who is both high-sex drive and high self-esteem.

A HD, HSE woman is likely to be just as happy as a LD, HSE woman (The Prude) but end up with a more varied relationship history because of her thirst for adventure and variety. This is the “healthy” end of the kinky spectrum, women who enjoy sex and exploring sex not because of trauma in their past, but because of joy and intimacy in their present.

Features of the HD/HSE relationship are secure attachment, normal or low levels of jealousy, trust, and almost complete lack of drama. These are the women you can on amazing sexual and spiritual journeys, women you can travel with both physically, intellectually and emotionally over the course of a relationship or a lifetime.

I say these women are ideal for threesomes or polyamory because of the trust and attachment issues (lack thereof); at the same time, these women typically have some much to offer, it’s almost being selfish to ask for more. Also, be aware: even though these women are typically secure and not prone to jealousy or drama, it is still true that there can be only one Queen. Despite other pretty young things that may flit in and out of the relationship bed, her exclusive place by your side must be clearly understood: she is an Alpha Female.

I realize this all sounds a bit Pollyannish, but I assure you I do not exaggerate. These women DO exist (though they are rare) and they ARE more or less the best combination of traits a man could want.

The only drawback I’ve ever heard or experienced with the HD HSE Queen may be more prone to infidelity than other types, but only if she is not being satisfied sexually in her primary relationship.

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And there you have it: a handy beginning guide to wrapping your mind around the Variety of the Female Sex. For more on this topic, see The Hot Babe Scale.

Read and enjoy, and please share with your friends if you find it at all useful, entertaining, or humorous.

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• Why You Should 'Sarge'
• The Hot Babe Scale: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
• Understanding the Feminine Mind: Backwards Rationalization
• Acquiring a Woman's Loyalty
• The Difference Between Cats and Dogs