Thanks for the insight.

In my model, general self-esteem OUGHT to translate directly into social confidence. If someone is not socially confident but has healthy self-esteem, they OUGHT to be able to adapt themselves to social situations easily enough just by having more social interaction (i.e. getting out more). Their self-esteem will allow them to learn how to be more confident in social situations pretty quickly.

Whereas, a guy (or girl) who has low self-esteem will have a heck of a time battling through the storm of social interaction in high-pressure environment (bars and clubs), which is why for those people I would work on overall esteem issues first.

The rape fantasy is a near-universal female fantasy; I don’t think it precludes you from being in the Queen category. Queens can be kinky too — but it’s a different type of kinky. I would say, without knowing you at all, that you probably fall somewhere in the right-hand quadrant of the model (HSD) somewhere between Victim and Queen. Remember its a continuous, not discrete, model — and it IS only a model; it’s not perfect.

Finally, we as humans are not perfect either, and often it can be very hard for us to be honest about ourselves or have truly unbiased perceptions of our qualities.

I’ve read a few of your posts with interest and amusement, and I must say, as far as dating guides written from a male perspective go, they are pretty damn insightful. They teach me a few concepts of dating and the male mind, and help me define a few hunches that I had.
So far they’ve been a great read.

I’m reacting to this one because I wonder in which group I fall. And whether my understanding of myself and women like me (or on the opposite side of the axis) would call for a third (Z) axis in the diagram.

What I’m missing in your two-axis system is the difference between self-esteem and confidence. I myself am a high drive, high self esteem kind of woman, but that does not make me a Queen. In fact, some of the Victim characteristics - kinkiness most of all - are very recognizable to me.

What I lack is social confidence. Although I have high self esteem, in that I am confident in my abilities and opinions to the point of being arrogant, and know that I could make a very good girlfriend to a guy who appreciates me, I am not at all confident that these excellent qualities will be recognized or valued by guys I meet. They might not be able to see further than my rather dumpy and not very exciting physical appearance. Which makes me very, very shy.

Coupled with a high sex drive, the high self esteem/low confidence combination translates into … well … a roleplayer in bed, basically.
I do not get taken advantage of, and will never be hurt in a way I don’t like, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to get hurt a little. My biggest fantasy is to play at being raped.
Any friends I told this, and all but the last boyfriend I had, seemed to think this is very sick, which makes me think I fit in the Victim category, but I’ve never been traumatized or abused, unless you count the verbal “you’re ugly” abuse that many girls get in high school.
I chose Actress because I like to act as if I’m being abused, and I often act confident in social situations as well, because I know I should be confident, but am not.

Do you think there should be a third axis? Or is the Actress just a high drive - medium esteem type?

“It’s going to take a lot of talking and sharing to heal all those hurts, which is another reason I started this site.”

You are not wrong here.

I have enjoyed this and thanx for comments back. But I think the sharing is going to be the big one. Neither side seems to want to listen to the other side. From outside looking in, I’d say that both sides have a good argument to present. If they could work together we would have balance but as it stands we will never have balance.

Keep up the good work. I will put this site as a favorite.

I am not teaching men to take advantage of, or “get the better of” women. I am teaching the psychology and social dynamics that provide the preferred outcome for BOTH men and women.

I believe that women would actually prefer to be seduced — especially by a cool, attractive, socially-aware guys. I believe women PREFER good sex over mediocre or bad, awkward sex.

Women don’t actually want to do all the “work” of hooking up or getting into relationships, they want to be swept off their feet. Some may protest that they want “equality”, but the facts of the world don’t support those assertions.

As for the MRA movement, I can’t speak for it or any of the men involved. I do think that a lot of the men you see writing so vituperatively have been *hurt*, and badly, by women throughout their lives. They carry a lot of scars, just like the women who have been hurt badly by men. It’s going to take a lot of talking and sharing to heal all those hurts, which is another reason I started this site.

I do believe in Men’s Rights and have a beef with feminism (inasmuch as I believe it has gotten completely out of hand). I personally LOVE women. Yes, they can be aggravating at times, but overall why would I dedicate all this time and energy to writing about how to make them happy if I hated them?

If I truly hated women and was trying to advocate “taking advantage of” or “manipulating” them I would be telling guys about where to buy rophynol to slip in their drinks.