The Reality Method 2.0

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

Let’s talk about men, women, friendships, and the dreaded “friend zone”.

As explained in the post Why Your Girlfriend is Cuddling With Other Guys, most women can’t help but place men into one of two categories:

A) Fuckable
B) Unfuckable

So, these two zones exist: the “FRIEND ZONE” and the “LOVER ZONE”.

If you’re in the lover zone, you’re going to get laid.

If you’re in the Friend zone, you’re going to get called at 2 AM when her boyfriend cheats on her and she “just needs a friend” to listen to her for 3.5 hours as she sobs. This is called being an “emotional tampon” or, alternatively, “intellectual whore” (your only value to the girl is intellectual, not physical).

Plenty of people doubt this dichotomy exists, but they are in denial. It is plain as day. I have seen girls do this even to their female “friends” — they seem to pick one of their female friends as “friend zone” material, and use them as emotional tampons, while putting their best face forward to their “lover” girlfriends and always partying with them, laughing with them, being happy and so forth.

Now, let me be clear. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being in the “Friend” zone.

Unless you are in the “Friend zone” of a woman you want to sleep with, that is.

In that case, there is a grade-A double red-alert Problem.

In that case, you are faced with the challenge (and many say it is impossible) of Getting Out of the Friend Zone.

Below, I present a quick-and-dirty guide to getting out of this dreaded scenario. I know of nothing else like it on the Internet or in seduction and dating literature, anywhere — and believe me, I have read my fair share — because most guys think and will say that once you’re in the friend zone, getting out is impossible.

To which, I say, nothing is impossible. In fact, in just a few sentences, I will give you a 100% ironclad, foolproof method for Escaping the Friend Zone.

A Foolproof Guide to Maneuvering Out of the Friend Zone
The absolute, hands-down, sure-fire best way of getting out of the Friend Zone is:

Never fall into the Friend Zone in the first place

I know a lot of you will roll your eyes at this, but hear me out. You will win 100% of the battles you don’t have to fight. You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and….You will get out of the Friend Zone 100% of the time by simply never entering it.

Also believe me when I tell you that staying out of the friend zone is 100% easier than digging yourself out once you’re already in there.

The best way to stay out of the friend zone is to Make a Good Impression. A lot of people would say Make a Good First Impression, and I believe that is important, but I believe even more strongly that having an overall Good Impression of masculinity, dominance and attractiveness around you at all times is the best habit to get into.

So here is your checklist for Making a Good, Strong, Masculine Impression: these are the things a very “cool guy” anywhere does, and the things you will do, too, if you want a woman to recognize you as a Man and place you into the appropriate category in her mind:

1. Good eye contact (without staring in a creepy way).
2. Stand up straight.
3. Take comfortably long strides. Don’t shuffle or meander. Walk with purpose.
4. Square your shoulders; have good postures, standing or sitting.
5. Have a ready smile that is firm and not pandering.
6. Have a firm (not overpowering) handshake.
7. Don’t lean in.
8. Speak slowly.
9. Don’t laugh at your own jokes.
10. Don’t move too quickly (walking, head turning, sitting down, etc).
11. Don’t exhibit nervous energy (fidgeting, talking too fast / too much, etc)
12. Don’t try to pick-up cut-off conversational threads (see Managing the Conversation) unless someone else asks you too, or you do it by tying or weaving the thread into another, newer and more relevant thread.
13. Don’t be afraid of silence.
14. Don’t be afraid to say something sexual — in fact, I make a point of making a sexual joke or comment or allusion in the first 10 minutes of any interaction with a new girl.
15. Dress well - not overly flashy, not too bland. Match.
16. Practice good hygiene.

All the above is simply to let her know you are an adult heterosexual male (if, in fact, you are) and that you have needs and desires, and that you plan on satisfying them…maybe not with her, but with SOME attractive woman, somewhere, sometime. She will respect you for all that, and more importantly, she will most likely place you in her “POTENTIAL MATE” category.

If this is as much of this post as you read, so be it — you’ve gotten the most crucial information I can give you.

If you happen to be (or ever have been) stuck in the Friend Zone, and are still bound and determined to struggle your way out of it, read on…but realize it gets exponentially harder from here.

Changing a Woman’s Mind
If you happen to be stuck in a hot girl’s Friend Zone, and you really want it to turn into something more, you have a massively difficult task before you — the task of Changing a Woman’s Mind.

Although that may sound incredibly difficult, it is something of a misdirection - you don’t really have to change her mind. All you have to change, in fact, is her perception of you.

Changing people’s minds (decisions) is difficult. But changing perceptions is not; PR and marketing firms are doing it all around us, all day long, every day (and very successfully, too).

What you’re talking about is a Personal Re-Branding Campaign. You have to convince whatever girl this is that, No, you are not a ball-less, hormone-bereft sack of emotional tampon goodness, the virtual equivalent of one of her female friends: you are, in fact, a Hardcore Masculine Attractive and even Sexy Man.

Although this may sound daunting, it is in fact the second least-difficult way of getting out of the Friend Zone:

Convince the woman who’s Friend zone you are in that you are NOT the same person she put in that zone.

In order to convince her of this, you will have to change virtually everything about yourself — at least when you are around her. The way you dress, the way you smell, the way you act. The types of things the two of you do together. Your mannerisms, speech patterns, and behaviors. You will have to go through a process of literally Re-Inventing yourself in her eyes. It doesn’t matter if the changes are a mere facade you wear around her — they must still be concrete and convincing enough for her.

Once a woman has you categorized in her mind as one of her “girlfriends”, anything you two have talked about, said, done, or shared together after that time will work as an “anchor” in her mind to the fact that you are, in effect, just another one of her “girlfriends”. As time goes on, those anchors will just get sunk deeper and deeper into her psyche, leading to the following general rule:

1. The longer you’ve spent in the Friend zone, the more things will have to change in order for her to re-evaluate her impression of you.

The corollary to this, of course, is:

1. The longer you’ve spent in the Friend zone, the less likely it is that you will ever get out of it.

The list of possible changes a guy could go through are virtually endless, but here’s some specific suggestions:

1. If you previously answered this girl’s phone calls all the time, start ignoring some of them.
2. If the two of you previously did fun buddy-buddy things like lunch, bowling, or shopping for housewares together, stop all of that entirely. Only agree to meet her in “romantic” settings (intimate dinner, bar or club, parties, etc).
3. Call her at random odd hours of the day or night, leave impudent messages or no message at all.
4. Send scandalous or impudent text messages without expecting a reply.
5. Only spend time with her in the presence of other (hot) girls who are (sexually) interested in you.

…And those are in addition to changing your clothes, haircut, aftershave, shoes, car.

This brings us to the final, most desperate, most laborious, but in some ways most likely to succeed of the Friend-Zone Escape Tactics: Relationship Cycling.

Relationship Cycling
You’ve heard of Power Cycling, you’ve heard of Carb Cycling, you’ve even heard of Competitive Bicycling, but I bet you ain’t never heard of Relationship Cycling.

That’s because it’s something that should only be done as a last resort, in the most dire of circumstances, when it seems that you have forever lost your chances at being sexual with a given girl.

Basically what Relationship Cycling entails is the following:

1. Cutting off the relationship entirely. No communication, no seeing each other, no hanging out, no correspondence of any kind. It would be best, in fact, if you moved to a different city.
2. Re-starting the relationship at a later date (and how late depends on how deeply you were stuck in the Friend zone to begin with), anywhere from 6 months to 6 years.

What you are doing is “cycling” the relationship: you are turning it OFF (by popping out of her life) and then turning it ON again (by popping back into her life) after a set period of time.

The idea for this tactic, and my realization of how effective it can be, actually came from having girls do it to me. In all cases, it was girls that I had NOT previously slept with, but instead put into my own personal “Friends” zone, swooping back into my life from nowhere hinting and alluding and even sometimes outright suggesting that we get back together, and get it on.

Now, relationship cycling is most powerful when used in conjunction with the Change Everything method, above. The time that has past makes it a lot easier for a woman to accept the radical changes you have made in your personality / demeanor / behaviors, and it is quite easy to weave a romantic story around your sudden and inexplicable disappearance and subsequent changes. Women love a good story of “fate intervening” and separating you from a previous life, re-forming you into a New Man (who also happens to be pretty sexy) and your own desire to find your way back to her, not to resume a friendship, but to share with her an amazing new outlook on life (that happens to include why it’s actually a great idea for the two of you to get in bed together).

Relationship cycling is an advanced technique — it requires patience, planning, time, and above all, self-control. Frequently, even with the distance of time, it is quite difficult to establish yourself as a more “romantic” figure in the girl’s eyes, and just as importantly, in your own — it is amazing how deep and resilient the “friendship” anchors are.

Unless you are mentally prepared to live your new life to the hilt, you may find yourself slipping back into old “friendship” patterns. You must be absolutely relentless and rigorous in purging yourself of those weaknesses and conceits, in favor of a new, sexual energy that will bring verve to the interaction — a vibrancy that she will be unable to ignore.

Even if you fail the first time, don’t be afraid to try again. I have “cycled” a single relationship as frequently as twice in a 5-year-period and ultimately wound up successful. (I think three times gets to become a “pattern” that the woman recognizes, but as usual, your results may vary.)

Pitfalls of Relationship Cycling
Some guys argue that relationship cycling runs certain risks: for instance, what if the girl gets married in the interim? What if she has children? What if she becomes a lesbian? What if she moves even further away than you did, and you lose track of her completely?

To which I say, if you really want a particular woman bad enough, all of these risks are meaningless — except losing track of her. That is a very real possibility. In which case, you must decide how much time and money you want to spend on detectives tracking her down and following her (creepy). In all likelihood, the result would not be worth the effort.

A married woman will still frequently sleep with other men (in America, at least). Likewise a woman with children (and if she got married to have kids, she’s 50% likely to be divorced already anyway). Gay women will sleep with straight men up to a certain point.

Again, your mileage may vary.

Closing Thoughts
What it all comes down to is this: women can be wonderful personal friends. I know — I have some. At the same time, women are wonderful lovers / fuck buddies / playmates. You must decide, based on your own personality, the individual situation, and the personality and value of the woman whose Friend Zone you are in, if you can

A) Accept the situation and allow yourself to enjoy her friendship, or

B) Decide that you cannot and will not ever be happy with just friendship, and make an attempt to change things (fully recognizing the great lengths you will go to and probable futility of your actions).

If you chose A), you had better also be prepared to go sleep with 2 other women that are at least as alluring to you as your Friend. I find that many guys want to “escape the Friend zone” just because they are sexually frustrated, and figure that it is a shorter path between “friends” and “lovers” than the path between “strangers” and “lovers”. It is not — it is a much, much longer path, as I have tried to illustrate here. Keep the following in mind:

The path between “strangers” and “lovers” is the shortest path there is.

Therefore, as a man, you should approach every attractive female as a potential mate. If you fail to impress your mating worthiness upon a particular girl, you will end up in her Friend zone.

Your job then is to take the lessons from that failure and apply them to other, more beautiful women, NOT to spend an eternity trying to re-work that single relationship.

Trying to “come in under the radar” by befriending beautiful women and then later making a “move” on them is not only incredibly common, it runs contrary to the very psychology of the Feminine Mind.

Escaping the Friend Zone is not impossible — just very difficult. But with the knowledge and techniques detailed above, you have a better-than-average chance of success.

‘Till next time!