Because non-monogamy is NOT a reality. To counsel them otherwise would be a disservice.

The reality, as I state near the end of my Why Women Cheat article (and I think I’ve slipped into a few other posts as well…see Overcoming Infidelity), is that we live in a society of monogamous pair bonds with widespread infidelity, and occasional polygamy.

There is nothing inevitable about infidelity. I say it is *natural* — but so is murder, and nobody argues that murder is inevitable (for the individual, not for society). Both infidelity and its disapproval are natural.

I propose that men should recognize that there are *reasons* behind the widespread infidelity found in society, but at the same time understand that they have the ability to strive for a more perfect union in their own lives.

instead of encouraging them to employ the heavy artillery against their lovers for perceived infidelity?

There is nothing “perceived” about the infidelity of women who “stray” — what I am writing about here is ACTUAL responses to ACTUAL out-of-bounds behaviors; behaviors that a woman was expressly told were violating a boundary (the “Soft Words” part of the article above).

If you tell your partner not to leave a wet towel on the bed because it makes you mad, and they leave a wet towel on the bed, is it or is it not proper that you should express anger towards them? Should they be surprised?

As for “heavy artillery” and “emotional punishment” — I use the language of diplomacy in this post, not war, and the techniques are basically indistinguishable from the tactics used BY women in relationships. They are used by both men and women because they work.

As for your comments about dog trainers — I resent that! People are not dogs. Animals they may be, yes, but highly advanced apes, not canines. Of course I deliberately misunderstand you to prove my point — what is in or out of vogue with dog trainers has little bearing on human interaction. Why even bring it up?

Relationships without a power exchange dynamic? Are you talking about perfect egalitarianism (i.e. equality)? If so, I will say that I don’t know a single woman who wants to be at perfectly equal parity with her male partner.

But I invite you to clarify what exactly you mean by “power exchange dynamic” so I can address your question more intelligently :)

How is it that you counsel your male readers thusly? Why not encourage them toward a more accepting embrace of the reality of nonmonogamy, instead of encouraging them to employ the heavy artillery against their lovers for perceived infidelity?

The “punishing” techniques you describe resemble many that have fallen out of favor with dog trainers in recent years. They hardly seem healthy in the negotiaton of adult human relationships. Sadly, one finds similar recommendations in romantic advice to both sexes. Is there any room in your paradigm for relationships that do not conform to a power exchange dynamic? Can you enivsion such a thing between the sexes?

I’m not really expecting you, the author, to be accountable for my own values. But since you’ve offered yourself up here as an expert of sorts, I’m impelled to press you for details about your beliefs.