The Reality Method 2.0

How to Turn a Woman On

With this post I’m going to start digging into a skill that is essential to Relationships of any kind: how to turn a woman on, sexually.

This is information that many men feel they ought to just know, naturally — that it ought to come as part of the package of being men. As though all men were born with a Male Accessories Package that included Love of Microbrews, Football Knowledge and How to Turn a Woman On.

That’s simply not the case. Men who didn’t have good interactions with powerful women as they grew up (i.e., their mother) simply don’t have a template of women being pleased with them, and therefore often don’t even have the confidence to try to please a woman, let alone stumbling through enough interactions to figure out how to do it properly.

Paths to Arousal
The good news is: women are pretty easy to arouse. Just as easy as men, I would say, although the keys that fit their arousal “locks” are much different.

We all are pretty aware that men are aroused visually, and women are aroused by touch. So, although plenty of women laugh at how “easy” it is to turn many guys on simply by wearing revealing clothing and sitting near them, men can laugh at just how “easy” it is to turn women on simply by touching them in the right way.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Awakening the Inner Slut
To write an article on “How to turn a woman on” is in some way to presuppose she is always otherwise “OFF”. This is only partially true, and that, my friends, is good news; for women walking around, going about their daily business, see men they’d like to sleep with all day long.

True story. Ask any female friend. If she’s honest, she will tell you that her and her girlfriends frequently see guys they fantasize about sleeping with. So why don’t we hear about it? Because they’re taught from an early age to shut up about it. For men, girl-watching is a manly, fully-approved public sport: for women, man-watching is something only creepy predatory cougars do overtly.

So, the process of turning a woman ON is not so much akin to powering up a massive super-computer, complete with fault-tolerant and redundant safety switches, but rather more like hammering a tiny chink in a very big dam. If you put that chink in the right place, the pressure is so high that the entire dam will burst all over you.

In What Women Want I talk about how women are more sexual than men, that they’re naturally multi-orgasmic (whereas men are not), and basically underscore the fact that all women have an “inner slut”, a huge reservoir of sexual energy and desire, that is just waiting for the right man to come along and release it.

And I say “inner slut” in a totally non-judgmental way — I think inside every woman, no matter how virginal, straight-laced, prudish or uptight, lives a raging, hormonal, insatiable slut who wants nothing more than to have her ass spanked and hair pulled while being penetrated in every orifice imaginable — and I think that’s a good thing. I love women for that very fact. They personify the yin energy of the world, the latent and receptive and immanent energy.

So, how exactly does one go about tapping a chink into that seemingly-impenetrable dam that separates you from the woman’s inner sexual reservoir?

In short: depends on what you want.

If they were honest, women would tell you one of two stories related to how they are turned on. These are what I consider the two most extreme “paths to arousal” for female psychology: I think of them existing on a spectrum, with there being an almost infinite variety of states that lie between these two extreme opposites.

The First Story of Arousal goes like this.

There’s just something about him. I can’t put a finger on it, but the way he looks at me, sometimes…I just feel this rush of blood inside….he just gets me purring. I can’t describe why. There’s this electricity whenever we touch accidentally. I can tell he’s holding back; he hasn’t made any real moves. But I wish he would. But I’m taking it slow, we’re both taking it slow.

As subtle as the above story is, you can see, if you read carefully, what is going on - the woman hotly desires this man, and in fact, has been aroused by him precisely because he is holding back. Masculine restraint is very arousing to many women, because it speaks to power and control - control of one of the very passions it is hardest for men to control.

The woman speaking above wishes desperately that this man would just break down, take her in his arms, and ravish her (in a loving way, of course, not violently) but she is backwards-rationalizing his lack of doing so as restraint on both their parts. In actual fact, his restraint is setting the tone, and her lack of action comes easily, as “proper” ladylike women do not initiate sex.

Notice also her talk about “electricity” - that is, very simply, that when touch is carefully measured out and controlled, it is imbued with additional power. Unlike the random guys you might see at bars or clubs who take every possible opportunity to paw and grope at random women they’ve never met - their touch lacks any power whatsoever, and is in fact draining to the women they paw at.

So that’s the first story. It shouldn’t be too hard to guess at the contents of Second Story of Arousal:

Oh my God, it was amazing. He just took me, threw me down on the bed, and fucked me. I’ve never had that before — I’ve never been with a man who just threw me down and fucked me hard like that. Oh, but it was sooooo amazing, so good, I can’t even describe it. It’s like he was an animal, like he literally couldn’t control himself around me. It was so hot. I couldn’t even tell here his arms or hands or anything was, it was all, all over me at once. And he didn’t stop, he just kept going, it was impossible to stop it or slow it down, he just tore into me. It was so good.

Exactly the opposite. In this scenario, the man has utterly lost any shred of self-control and simply had his way with the woman. Notice how close this scenario sounds to rape. Note the use of “violent” language (he tore into me, threw me, took me). But the woman here is not complaining, and certainly not crying rape — of more anon.

The total loss of self-control, the reverting to an animal state, the near-rape, the complete and total overpowering of the woman (and her complete and utter surrender to his power) is all a very heady experience for the woman. She feels swept away, dominated by a force of nature. She loves it like few other things in life, because not only does it place her unmistakably in her biological role as a receptive female, but it speaks directly to her vanity — she is simply SO beautiful, and SO alluring, and SO desirable that the man simply could not restrain himself. He simply had to have her. He could not stop himself.

That breaking of the vaunted male self-control is high achievement for the woman. It is, in fact, a triumph for the woman over the man — rather than being the “victim” in this pseudo-rape, the woman is in fact the victor in a sociological struggle (especially if their love or coupling is forbidden by law, custom, religion, or what have you) that subjugates the man and reduces him to mere animal.

Of course, the process of orgasm changes everything in this scenario, but that is a matter for another article.

So here we have the Two Stories of Arousal — two opposites. Either the man is *too* restrained, has *too* much self-control — or he loses it all and virtually ravages the woman. Reconciling these two very different stories — and, more importantly, knowing when to apply the behaviors noted in each of them — is the real challenge.

The first story is a slow-cooking method. Arousal is built up over time with sexual tension, deep rapport, casual but electrifying touches and brushes, and a clear desire being even more clearly muffled by self-restraint. This is even more effective if some external force — law, custom, or religion - prevents the hotly-desired consummation. Think Romeo and Juliet.

The second story is the Noble Savage method. The man is genuine in his desire and attraction, in fact his love, but his more civilized instincts are simply overcome by the sheer grandeur of the woman’s beauty / allure / behavior. Arousal is set aflame instantly, and in the moment, and explodes from almost nothing as a result of the man’s extremely dominant, masculine, unrestrained behavior. The “wild untamed” forces of nature, personified in the man, are intoxicating.

Attraction is assumed to exist prior to both stories — it just finds its final expression in different ways, over different time periods (very short versus very long). Now, oftentimes the slow-cooking method will flare up and lead into the Noble Savage method. That is more common than a man and woman simply meeting, becoming attracted, and going right to it (though that does happen, frequently in romance novels, which should tell you something about how rare and desirable it is to women).

Here’s a cheat sheet:

Story 1: Restraint / Slow Cooking
Path to Arousal: Clear sexual tension and vibing, built by body language, eye contact, conversation, and pre-existing attraction. Drawn out over a period of time.
Hooks: Reaching towards a woman, as though to please her, but drawing up short — always stopping short or resisting the natural next step. To the woman’s great disappointment.
Resolution: The woman will either get fed up and become too aroused to handle it herself, and jump your bones, or you will eventually give it up to her a la Noble Savage.

Story 2: Wild Nature / Noble Savage
Path to Arousal: Clear sexual tension and vibing, built by body language, eye contact, conversation, and pre-existing attraction. Ignited almost instantly upon first meeting or after a long period of “slow cooking”.
Hooks: Taking a woman, physically manhandling or directing her, carrying/dragging her to an isolated location (bedroom), physical restraint and dominance, ripping clothes
Resolution: Amazing sex is the only possible workable resolution. If you provide the woman with poor sex at this point, she will mostly likely cry rape. If your desire is strong enough to overwhelm your rationality and actually induce you to pick her up and carry her, or throw her on a bed, you’d better have a prodigious erection waiting to go along with it.

Returning to the dam metaphor from above, think of the two stories as the difference between

A) Tapping a tiny crack in the dam that is nonetheless engineered perfectly (your crack) to allow water to bleed out, under pressure, over time without shattering the entire dam

B) Using dynamite to blow a gaping hole in the dam that destroys the structural integrity of the entire thing, causing the entire reservoir to come crashing through at once

Keep in mind, also that I believe these two stories exist on a continuum, that is, there is an almost infinite variety of mixtures of the two in the space between those extremes.

There you have it. A quick guide to the philosophical underpinnings of How to Turn a Woman On. If this article has left you with questions, just wait - I’ll get into more nuts and bolts of what to say, and what to do, to cause that hormonal rush in future posts.

For now, it’s back to the so-called Real World.

Till next time!

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